12 of 12: March

My 12 of 12 this month did not turn out as I had hoped and dreamed.

12 of 12 is the brainchild of Chad Darnell and you can link to his site HERE and check out other participants.

I had camera issues and then computer issues and I have been battling with them but have given up the fight. I am now posting what I have (even though it starts at the end of the day and not the beginning and the date on the shots says the 14th - it wasn't!) ARG.....

Oh well. I can only hope my 12 o f 12 posts improve over the course of the year ... There are still nine to go!

7:00pm

My boy received his first ever progress report from the program he attends. According to the report he does one thing consistently and without support - he gets ready for snack!

He does this at home also - his favorite snack to make is shakes and he used to drink them. Now he just likes to make them for everyone. (He does get some support at home when it comes to the use of the blender!)

6:55pm

Prepping for the blender.

4pm

Coming home from a ride into town. Dog is my co-pilot.

3:45pm

Unfortunately this does not show what I wanted but I admit I was not getting out of the car to take any pictures - they are all taken through the window. This is another example in our area of trees that have been hit with the dreaded pine beetle. The devastation is incredible and very sad. Some trees in this row are on their way out and usually when a few go they all follow.

3:30 pm

A gas plant. There are more and more of these everywhere you look. Less and less trees and more and more gas plants. I understand the need and I understand the jobs the industry provide. Unfortunately it does not make having one of this in your back yard any prettier to look at - or any less dangerous.

This next photo is not one that I took but it is a photo of a gas plant blowout in our province that happened recently. As far as I know it is still burning.

3:30 pm

On the main highway between our house and town this little house keeps a watch over the development. One we saw a family of foxes in the window which would have made for an incredible picture. Unfortunately we didn't have a camera on hand. I pass this a few times a day - so a dozen or more times in a week. Sometimes I forget how beautiful it is.

3:00 pm

Leaving town we drove behind a trailer moving hay bales. I am still amazed at the lack of snow we have for this time of the year. It is unusual to see this scene so early in the year.

12:40 pm

Look at us with a temperature above freezing!

12:00pm

Stopping in at the local grocery store - which I hate to do because things in town are more expensive than driving to the city to get - but it is an evil necessity. I had the day off today and enjoyed hanging out with the boys. We have a tradition now of breakfast of bacon and eggs but we were fresh out of bacon so we made a trip into town to burn some time and get some bacon.

11:30am

Leaving the house to run to town and pick up some groceries. Maxie now takes off his boots immediately upon getting into his car seat. In just a minute he will have his socks off also. I get it that he wants to be comfortable for the LONG (20 minute) drive into town but it is a hassle to get his "re" dressed when we arrive!

8:00am

Here begin the issues with my camera. I changed the batteries and apparently reset the date to 2007? So I thought I corrected the year but I overcorrected the day and now we are on the 14th instead of the 12th? When did camera's become so complicated or is it just that my fingers are too fat to push the teeny buttons?

This is the windchimes at our back door. I love them and they are beautiful when frosted over.

My goal for next month is to improve my 12 of 12 :)

best day

You know how life sometimes goes along and you get into a rut of doing the same things for the same reasons over and over and over?

Sometimes this happens without even realizing it. I know I have been in one of those ruts because today I came out of it! Today was the kind of day that warms the cockles of your heart, the kind of day that made me remember what it is about life that I love so much.

I work with students on a college campus. There is a LOT involved in the day to day things that I am responsible for that give me opportunity to see the "not so nice" side of student life on a college campus. I see the discipline side of things, the complaint side of things, the side of things that too often feeds into my own "glass half empty" view of life and I can easily spiral into viewing the world in a negative light. Although I like people generally, I also find I get tired of people and I can be quite reclusive, in fact I have to fight being completely reclusive.

Last night I was working late. As I was walking around for the last time of the night I encountered a student in the hallway looking quite forlorn and I stopped and asked how they were doing. What transpired was a long and quite intimate conversation, one that I have not had with a student for a long time. maybe it is because of me, maybe because of the workload, maybe because an opportunity like this has not presented itself for a long time, but I took the opportunity last night to stop and talk. I took the time to engage in the conversation fully and give my time and attention to this student. We had a great conversation and I think by the end of it we both felt good. Today this student sought me out and brought me a plant as a gift and thank-you for the time I took last night. In all the time I have been in this job I believe this is the first time a student has given me something like this. I absolutely love it. I love even more that I had shared between last night and today this experience with my spouse and we had decided together to do something for this student ourselves. We worked together and I had something ready for him when he came with the plant. I had no idea he was bringing the plant - but it was so awesome to have something here that he was not expecting that just further improved his day and his experience here. It was awesome. It made me smile all day just thinking about it and now my new plant is on my desk as a reminder how sweet it is sometimes to stop and engage with someone - even a complete stranger.

Max and I are hanging out downstairs while mom and the baby are trying to take a nap. We are trying to be quiet which is difficult for Max - for not talking he sure does speak a lot!
He never stops making noise and he is "telling a story" the whole time. It is kind of funny but he wants me to look at him constantly so he knows I am listening. He keeps saying "ma, MA, MA, MA!" I am trying to play on the computer and he is hanging out with me in the living room. I put up the baby gate at the living room door so that he would not go upstairs and wake everyone up.
He just explained to me that he needed to open the gate because he had to go into the kitchen and that he would NOT go "up high" (which means upstairs).
Helios came in from outside and Max asked me to put the blanket over his legs so that Helios could sit next to him without poking his legs as he kneaded him. I put the blanket over his legs and it was the longest he sat in one spot quietly all day. His relationship with the pets truly is amazing. he is So gentle and loving. Yesterday we went to the school for a demonstration of sled dogs. C sat in the sled while I drove and then Shel took a turn driving and we hoped Max would sit in the sled, but he would absolutely not sit down on it. Instead he ran alongside! It was cool to drive. I am sure he would have loved it if he had tried it. Sometimes his reluctance to try new things is sad to me because I know he would love some things so much.
He is now playing with the baby gate. I wish he liked movies, I would love to just put in a Disney movie on a Sunday afternoon when everyone was asleep and he was not wanting to nap, just for a little break. Oh well! Such is the joy of parenting a boy.

letter to C-Note

Whats up my little humpback whale?

I am pretty sure you NOT be impressed that this is the photo I chose to share of you this month, but I couldn't resist. Let's just say there were others more revealing which you will be grateful are not posted here! I cannot believe how much you are growing.

We have the potty out to try and teach your older brother how to use. He has absolutely no interest in it but you have a BALL sitting on the potty. You think it is hilarious and you sit on it every opportunity you get. You haven;t actually used it for the purpose for which it was intended yet, but if you keep sitting there something is inevitably going to happen I am certain.

I love you so much words cannot even express. You make me so happy and leaving you in the morning when you cry to come with me just tears my heart out. Mom holds you at the back window and you wave and blow kisses until we are out of site. I hate this part of the day and look forward to every minute until we are back together again.

The weather is getting better and better and you LOVE to be outside. In fact, you love being outside so much that you scream blue murder when we try to bring you inside! The days are getting longer and you think that as long as the sun in shining you should be outside. This might prove to be a bit of a problem for us in June when there is daylight for 20 hours a day. I have been having some fun with the burn pile because the weather is nice, there are no bugs and it is perfect to have a big bonfire. You are a very good helper, but more interested in making your own way around the yard than in hanging out with me. I can see there won't be many opportunities to sit outside and read a book this summer with you making trails in the yard. It makes me laugh to think how differently your mom and I live our lives with our boys than we did before you came along. Our lives revolve around you and to be honest I wouldn't have it any other way.... just slow down for me as you trek across the yard ok bud?

I love you to the stars and back.

Rest your head, close to my heart, never to part baby of mine.

Love mama.

Going for a walk

Letter to Main Man Maxwell

Hey Pal.

Another month has passed and you are growing up right before our very eyes. It is INSANE to realize how tiny you were just three short years ago. You are learning words and starting to talk more and more and I have to keep reminding myself that you are almost FOUR.

You are old enough to play soccer this summer, old enough to be learning to skate, to be riding a bike, to be doing all kinds of things that assert your independence and I don't think I am ready to let go. I am most upset that you are big enough now to open all the baby gates in the house and let yourself and your younger brother out of (and into) things you should not be! This letting go thing is going to be a challenge for me.

I am so happy that you still want to spend time sitting in my lap, but we really need to renegotiate your desire to be carried. Your feet keep getting tangled between my knees and we are going to have a WICKED accident sooner or later.

I love you desperately.

Rest your head close to my heart, never to part, baby of mine.

Mama

99 things to do....

Ok So I am still thinking about this list. Obviously I don't even have 99 things yet, but I am working on it and I HAVEN'T forgotten!

1. Sort through the box in my bedroom closet that I have moved to two different households without sorting through.
2. Write monthly letters to my sons. ( I am thinking this should actually count as 24 "things to do" and not one. Depending on how much I get accomplished I may change this later!)
3. Start my thesis.
4. Finish my thesis.
5. Participate in Chad Darnell's 12 of 12 every month.
6. Go to a movie, in a theater, with my spouse.
7. Clean out the bathroom cupboard.
8. Do at least ONE cross stitch project.
9. Get an updated criminal record check
10. Get a carbon monoxide detector for the house. (THIS IS COMPLETE! January 2010)
11. Fence the dugout.
12. Renew my first aid.
13. Find our marriage license.
14. Change our last names - to a blended last name.
15. Send my spouse to see her dad in the USA.
16. Get haircuts for the boys.
17. Take family photos.
18. Finish my stats class.
19. Work on my mom's 60th birthday present BEFORE her birthday!
20. Get the carpet up off the staircase - remove the staples from the steps.
21. Get the hallway painted.
22. Lay new carpet on the staircase.
23. Make myself a bookmark.
24. Replace Shels' cell phone (COMPLETE. FEBRUARY 2010)
25. Cancel the contract on my cell phone. (COMPLETE. February 2010)
26. Put up Maxie's toddler bed.
27. Change the furnace filter. (COMPLETE. January 2010)
28. Hang hooks in the bathroom. (COMPLETE. January 2010)
29. Put together the smart shopper cards from IGA. (COMPLETE. February 2010)
30. Sort the tools.
31. Work on the boy's baby books.

Thursday Thirteen: 13 words my son can say!

I have not participated in TT for a long time and I thought it was about time I got back into it.
You can link to other participants HERE.
At the beginning of this school year we met with the speech therapist and set goals for our son for learning words this school year. We asked what a realistic goal would be and she said that if he could say TWO words by the end of the school year (JUNE) that was realistic.
So here we are.
It is the end of February and we have 4 more months of school left before we break for the summer.
My boy says more than 13 words for SURE, but here are 13 of my favorite (words or phrases)...

1. Hallway
2. Onion
3. Go away ( I think it is cute that he says this - just not when he says it to me!)
4. Up high
5. Mama
6. On
7. Hello
8. Cup (although sometimes he says "puc" and not "cup")
9. Bowl
10. Ice
11. Bye
12. Cookie
13. Bubbles

what the Color Career Counselor has to say about me...

Since I am supposed to be working on Stats - you KNOW I am procrastinating. I went to Careerpath.com and took the Color Career Counselor test. It took a minute and a half.
If you are interested you can link to it HERE.

Best Occupational Category
You're a CREATOR
Keywords

Nonconforming, Impulsive, Expressive, Romantic, Intuitive, Sensitive, and Emotional

These original types place a high value on aesthetic qualities and have a great need for self-expression. They enjoy working independently, being creative, using their imagination, and constantly learning something new. Fields of interest are art, drama, music, and writing or places where they can express, assemble, or implement creative ideas.

CREATOR OCCUPATIONS
Suggested careers are Advertising Executive, Architect, Web Designer, Creative Director, Public Relations, Fine or Commercial Artist, Interior Decorator, Lawyer, Librarian, Musician, Reporter, Art Teacher, Broadcaster, Technical Writer, English Teacher, Architect, Photographer, Medical Illustrator, Corporate Trainer, Author, Editor, Landscape Architect, Exhibit Builder, and Package Designer.

CREATOR WORKPLACES
Consider workplaces where you can create and improve beauty and aesthetic qualities. Unstructured, flexible organizations that allow self-expression work best with your free-spirited nature.

Suggested Creator workplaces are advertising, public relations, and interior decorating firms; artistic studios, theaters and concert halls; institutions that teach crafts, universities, music, and dance schools. Other workplaces to consider are art institutes, museums, libraries, and galleries.

walking in a winter wonderland

We have had a most spectacular winter season this year. For some reason we have had more hoar frost than I can remember since arriving here six winters ago - I think we are on our seventh winter here already?

This is the part of the barn we finished painting red. We need to finish it all this summer - my goal is to get a ladder! When the window trim is all white and the barn is finished it will look spectacular. It didn't look bad today at all.

This is a tree outside the office at work. If I had been wearing my boots I would have trucked over for a closer shot, but I think you get the idea.

What a gorgeous day today!

Monday Movie Meme

Link to The Bumbles if you are interested in checking out more participants of the Monday Movie Meme.

This week the topic is "Popular Movies that You Hated".

Ever get excited to see some movie the whole world has been gushing about, only to discover that you thought it was a dud? Not only are you completely annoyed that the movie didn't meet your expectations, but you don't have anyone else to complain to because you're the only one who didn't like it.


Here are mine:


1. Titanic

2. Pulp Fiction

3. The Big Lebowski

4. Pirates of the Caribbean

smart shopper cards

Have I mentioned that we live in a small town? Well we do. One of the drawbacks to this little town is the grocery shopping. We do have an IGA in town and it is open 24 hours a day (at least that's what is posted, but I have been there when it was locked and I was very confused).

They have these little things called "smart shopper coupons" and you get one coupon for every five dollars that you spend in the store. You lick the back (or if you are me you DON'T lick the back and you collect millions of them and store them in a baggie) but theoretically you lick the back and put ten on a card and then you can use them in the store for savings, like coupons.

I HATE licking them. They are disgusting. The other day I overheard someone in the store talking about using a glue stick on them and I realized my dreams had come true - an alternative to licking!

So I sat down yesterday afternoon with all the glue sticks I could find in the house and I went to work on smart shopper cards. I will admit I ran out of glue sticks long before I ran out of coupons, but I made a beautiful stack of cards we can now use.


It took a while to do and as I was sitting there gluing away I was calculating how much money we had spent to get that many coupons and what the were worth. You know - they really are not worth much in the great scheme of things. Each card represents 50 dollars spent in the store. most of the things you can redeem them for use at least three cards. Some things (like milk) are worth more to us as a family because we use a lot of it and it is dang expensive. But other things - like eggs - you can usually get a dozen eggs for three cards. So the store gives you a dozen eggs, a value of about three dollars - for every $150.00 you spend there. That's REALLY cheap. The store has to make a PACK of money and to give back the equivalent of three bucks to everyone who spends a hundred and fifty seems laughable. Especially when you think of how many people DON'T use the cards. I am certain I am not the only one who hates to lick them (and who never thought of glue sticks before).

I remember shopping with my grandmother and aunt in Southern California when I was a teenager. I know that was a long time ago and groceries in So Cal are STILL ridiculously cheaper than they are up here, but back then you could go through the paper and get coupons and clip the coupons. Some grocery stores would take the coupons of any other store and some stores would give you "double coupons" credit. There were some seriously good deals available by coupon back then. Not so much now and DEFINITELY not so much at IGA.

Thankfully now we have a huge stack of cards and we will absolutely use them. For as much as they "aren't" worth it is still a savings and we can use all the savings we can get shopping in town. Unfortunately for me I have never seen glue sticks available with smart shopper cards.

Stairs

We have lived in our house now for over two years. There are many projects that we need to work on but like all old homes, once you begin a project it turns into something much larger than originally anticipated and so we are now living in a house with many "started" projects and very few "finished" projects.
One of the things we did immediately (before we even moved in) was to take out the nasty old carpet in some of the rooms and on the stairs. Unfortunately when we took up the carpet on the stairs the carpet pad had been glued down and try as we might, we could not get the dang thing up.
This is what each step looked like. It is a horrendous catcher of pet hair and other gross things and we vacuum it more than once a day (it helps to have kids who like to vacuum) but the steps were NEVER clean.

Add to that the staples that were in each step. I have no idea why there were so many, but I estimate from having pulled them out, that there were at least 30 staples PER step. These staples made it increasingly difficult to get the carpet pad off and they were very painful to step on!

My maintenance man at work found this tool which he has fallen in love with. He saw it advertised on television one morning at 6am and he was on a quest to find one for himself. I have heard many renditions of how wonderful it is and he has even had me over for a personal demonstration of the wonders of this tool. He assured me that this tool would solve all my woes and sent me home with it this weekend to try out on my stairs.

It is every bit the wonder he assured me it was. It was AMAZING. I had a BLAST using it and the stairs look amazing. I did have to spend some time taking out the staples by hand, but the job is now almost complete (I have two steps remaining at the top which I will complete this week) and I loved every minute of the project. So did Max and CJ.

I don't know why I don't have a good "after" picture. I need to take one and post it for sure. It looks sooo much better and feels fantastic. Now all we need is a new carpet and we will have one home project COMPLETE. What will that feel like?

getting carried away with boys and missing my favorite day of the year

My spouse is home, we all survived and we are all hap-hap-happy!
It was my intent to post the whole time that she was gone, but I just got too carried away with hanging out with the boys and keeping my head above water with all the comings and goings in our lives to log onto the computer at all for a few days.

I even missed posting on my FAVORITE day of the year - Fat Tuesday! I LOVE me my Fat Tuesday. It is a tradition for me to give up "hope" for Lent, but this year I have seriously considered it and I have decided I am NOT going to give up hope. I am going to wait it out this year and reconsider next year if I should take up the tradition again. I'm not going to feel guilty about it for one minute because I am not even one minuscule part Catholic, so I don't have to give up anything for lent at all. I suppose if I were pressed on the topic I will say I am giving up "giving up"!

On the home front I have a sick kid, a teething kid and a sick spouse, so I don't anticipate getting much more rest in the next few days than I have had in the last few days but right now I don't even care. We are all home together again and that's the way it should be.

Day four: three days left!

It is no surprise to me that C was up at the crack of dark. My clock still had a "6" as the first number... So much for a Saturday sleep in! Mornings are the hardest for me because I just do not wake up "ready to go" for the day. I know the boys are hungry and need to eat, but I almost need to sit down and fully wake up before I feel like I can get moving for the day.
My plan for the day was to make bacon and eggs. Max stood next to me and ate every piece of bacon I put on the paper towel to soak. I think he single handedly ate a half pound of bacon - i know C and I certainly didn't have anything worth commenting about! I made scrambled eggs, which neither of them ate and when I was done with all the bacon I fried myself an egg the way I like it (dead, dead, and crispy dead) and sat down to eat. Well apparently my egg was more appealing to the boys than theirs were and I sat at the table with a boy on each knee while they ate my egg! Too funny.
We cleaned a bit, made a mess a bit, and hung out for the day. We were going to go and get haircuts but while I was cooking breakfast Max laid his head on the paper plate where I was putting the bacon to drip and got a head full of drippings. Turns out there was a line of people to get their hair cut anyway (so much for getting someone else to wash his hair!)
I had a plan to do a craft today and have the boys make something for Shel for when she got home. Unfortunately that plan went to the dogs when Max ripped up all the construction paper on the way home from the dollar store.
Max didn't have much for supper, but I figure a half pound of bacon can probably tide him over for the day :)
We are having a good time, missing mom a lot, but I love being home all day with the boys rather than dropping them off at a sitters then picking them up after working all day. Things are much smoother when we hang together. I still cant wait till Shel gets home! I had big plans for the night after the boys went to bed but I am now ready to just pack it in and go to bed.

Day three: four days left

Friday was day three (yesterday). I was scheduled to have the day off work but there was a check out and so I needed to go in for room assessments. When I went in there turned out to be issue that needed my attention by the computer and phone and so I didn't do any room assessments... it was a real bust of a day. I feel like my time was completely wasted and I would MUCH rather have been at home with the boyo's.
I picked up the boys, we came home, made dinner, hung out for a while and went to bed. I wanted to blog and do laundry and some more dishes, but I was wiped out from the day and went to bed. Last night was actually better than the night before but Max was still up in the middle of the night telling me he was "finished" sleeping!
I think if I can get a good rhythm we will all be ok, but so far things aren't flowing yet. C had pickled beetroot for the first time tonight. Max won't go withing ten miles of anything new but C tried it and didn't gag! (That's a bonus) I think if he tries it a few more times he may like it a lot. He did think they pink dye on his fingers was cool!

12 of 12: February

For 12 of 12 this month, mom is away and it is just me and the boys all alone at home hanging out. I don't know how interesting a day at home will be in photos, but here we go!
12 of 12 is hosted by Chad Darnell at his website which can be linked to above.
Thanks Chad!

Here is my day.....



7am

The new morning ritual is to come into our room and hang out with us first thing in the morning. It is a kid/pet bonding moment for sure. I am not ready to get out of bed yet.





7:30 am

Too early for me to be eating but the boys need to eat right away so I am diligently cooking bacon for them. Max stood next to me and ate everything that came off the pan and I didn't even realize how much he ate until it was all gone and C and I didn't have any!







8am.

I just ducked out the back door to take a picture of the sun rising. The sky has been really pink in the morning for the past week and of course today it was not nearly as bright as it had been. Oh well! It is getting brighter earlier every day.





8am

I turned from taking a picture of the sunrise to take one of the amount of snow on the roof. We need to pull it down before the ice buildup at the bottom gets too big, but this is NOTHING compared to past years.

9:30am

So breakfast is finished and it sure looks nice outside. Someone is dreaming of getting out and playing in the snow.... OK. I'll suck it up and get out there!

10:00am

Still outside (which is a miracle for me - I am NOT a fan of the great outdoors when it is cold out!) Here sits the shovel, still thinking about making our own rink on the dugout, but it is warming up now so I don't think it is worth the effort this winter. Maybe next winter when the dugout is fenced and the boys are a little older. I really HAVE to teach them to skate. Having mothers who are not "into" winter sports is not going to get our boys any slack when they are the only boys who can't skate and we live in Canada for crying out loud!

1pm
So we "napped" (well in actuality we had "quiet hour" because there was no-one sleeping) and I thought I could buy myself some time to catch up on some television. What happened as I sat in the living room was that the boys decided to "cook" and dumped out the Costco sized container of garlic powder onto the kitchen floor. I should have known it was too quiet. Thankfully, they love vacuuming as much as they love "cooking".

6pm.

We have gone through three outfits today and already taken three baths. My boy with the addiction to cords is carrying my phone around in his pocket plugged to the charger. Electric cord junkie.

6:30 pm

I went to the kitchen to get a snack and it appears that SOMEONE has already had the beginnings of a snack!

7:00pm

In the living room now, waiting for the Olympics to begin. This was a gift to me from one of my professors when I graduated from university. I love it and unfortunately my boys do also. It has certainly been well used but I think it is on it's last legs. I certainly could not have predicted it's future on the day I received it.

8pm

DUN DUN DUHHHHHHHH

The Olympics is beginning! This was about all I saw of the whole opening ceremony. The boys were simply not interested.

8:30pm

The boys are in bed and I came back downstairs to have a few moments to myself. I watched one television commercial (this one) and I have decided I am going to go to bed myself.

Night night!

day two, part two: six days left

The night started out amazingly. I was feeling like parent of the year (in my own mind obviously). The kids were fed, bathed, in clean pajamas and in bed by 8pm. Maxie didn't try to get out of bed ONCE before he fell to sleep. I was in bed reading and after 45 minutes I thought I would venture downstairs to watch the season premiere of Survivor. As I walked past the bedroom where I THOUGHT the boys were sleeping, Ceejer piped up "Mamma!" I went in and decided to take him downstairs with me, sit him on my lap and snuggle with him in the dark, watching survivor. He is normally a very good snuggle pal.
Well he snuggled for about a millionth of a second and then got up to play with his trucks. I kept the lights off thinking it would keep him in "sleepy" mode, but it didn't. When Shel called me she heard him squealing before I even said hello and she greeted me with "Uh oh" and not "Hi"!
It actually is NOT that big of a deal that he was up, because he is really good, and he plays without any problems. When I went to bed at 11, I took him up and laid him down and he just rolled and went to sleep. I got into bed, read my book for another 20 minutes and turned out the light. Well the turning off of the bedroom light somehow woke Max in the other room. I swear he has a sixth sense for electrical current - and he was wide awake, out of bed, and told me he was finished sleeping for the night. For some reason he was very weepy. I let him get into the bed with me, thinking all along about how Shel predicted I would be sleeping with one or the other of them before her side of the bed had even cooled but I was determined he was NOT staying the night with me.
He started to cry, saying over and over "mamma gone, mamma gone". By this time it was well after 1am and although I was tempted to call Shel and have her talk to him there was no way I was disrupting the whole household to have her say goodnight (which we had already done earlier anyway). I tried to balance between reassuring him she was returning and showing my version of sleep deprived compassion and putting him back in his bed. From that point on the night was a complete write off. He didn't stay in bed more than 15 minutes at a time and I was up and down the stairs getting bottles and other things for him trying to find what he needed to settle for the night. FINALLY around 4 am he seemed to fall asleep IN his bed and it took me all of a millisecond to fall asleep right after he did. THEN the little cherub was up again sometime around 5 and we were all up for the day. Day three away from mom had a rocky start. I hope tonight goes better - I hope he collapses from sheer exhaustion and sleeps the night through. Now I just have to keep Ceejer in bed. There will be no attempts from me to sneak downstairs tonight. I just hope I don't need the bathroom!

things that happen to travelers

So my spouse busted out of the great white north and is off to visit her family in Wisconsin. (How funny is it that she went SOUTH to Wisconsin?)
We have been nervous about her going to the USA since she became a Canadian resident, but we made the giant leap and sent her off. In the process of getting her ready we neglected to pack a bottle of medication.
We knew that being seven days without it was not an option and so I got a hold of a phone number for a pharmacy there and spoke tot he pharmacist and explained the situation. What we needed was 7 pills. Let me insert here that these are not pain pills, not narcotics, not anything she could sell on the black market (is there a black market in Wisconsin?) and we were going to have the doctor here fax the prescription to the pharmacy there. Well the pharmacist said that they would not fill a prescription written by a Canadian doctor because he was not licensed in the USA to write prescriptions. I understand this in "theory" but "practically" it makes no sense to me. I get it that our doctor is not an American, but how is it possible to buy drugs online between countries? I don't think it was an outrageous request to ask for seven days worth of a medication. Are we the only people in the world who travel and accidentally leave medication behind? What about people who lose their luggage while traveling, has it never happened in the history of the world that someone would lose a medicine and need a temporary refill?
It really brings home to me how far apart we really are - Canada and the USA that is. I know many people think that the countries are very alike, in fact they are more different than similar. Crossing the border IS like going to a foreign country.
We managed to get everything worked out, got her in to see an American doctor who was nice enough to take her word for it (she does have all her travel documents and we could get a fax from our family doctor here) but even when she went to get the prescription filled - paying cash for it - she virtually had to sign her life away. They wanted all kinds of information about her and I have to ask - for what? All's well that ends well I suppose, but what a pain and a lesson learned.

Day two: six days left

Time is seriously dragging here. I feel as though we had a good day and I certainly got a lot accomplished, but the time is just moving at a snail pace. I Barbequed for supper tonight. It makes me laugh that I barbequed when the temperature was hovering around -15 degrees. Who does that? Why, people who live this far north!
I managed to make supper, put in a load of laundry, bathe the kids and get them to bed. I know this is the stuff people do ALL the time, every day of their lives and so it seems as though I am making a big deal out of nothing. It's just that I LIKE doing this with my spouse. I LIKE raising the boys with her. Max lately has been so "clingy" and I have no idea why. He and Ceejer were in the tub together and I went to pick Ceej up and Max almost had a fit. He wants me to pick HIM up and keep HIM on my lap when we are in the living room. The strange thing is he doesnt even really WANT to be in my lap, he just doesnt want C there. Thats why I like having two of us. I don't feel as though I am abandoning one boy for the other. I dont understand Maxies recent need to be babied, I am just a sucker for my boys I guess!
So it's after 10 pm. I need to go to bed and eek out every minute of sleep I can get. I was planning on taking the day off from work tomorrow and as it happens there is a check out and I need to do room assessments, so no day off for me. I REALLY wanted to just chill with my boys at home, but I guess I have to wait until Saturday for that. I was thinking I might do some dishes.... I hurried and thought of something else!
Oh, the buzzer just went on the dryer. I need to turn it on for one more cycle. Nighty night!

day one: seven days left

We got up super early this morning and drove the almost 2 hours to the airport. The fog was INSANE at 3am and worse at 7 am when there were more vehicles on the road. There was at least one accident I passed on the way home and if there were more I didn't see them because the fog was so thick.
Shel has had a LONG day of travel - she hasn't arrived at her destination yet, but I think she will be there in a few minutes. Two long car trips, two countries, one nightmare of immigration and three planes later and her trip has only just begun!
The funny thing is that usually on a Wednesday I work a really long day and stay in town overnight. I don't get home for about 24 hours. Shel has been gone for less than that, and I have been at work most of the day and I miss her! I haven't even been gone as long as I am normally on a week to week basis, but just knowing she is in the USA tonight feels different.
I am still waiting for her to call and tell me she has arrived safely. Seven days until we pick her up.

broken record

I feel as though life right now is a bit of a broken record.
We still have no idea what is happening with the adoptions.
We are still stressed and trying to handle our stress the best we can without impacting our boys who are emotion amplifiers. Neither one of them sleeps well at the BEST of times and when they pick up on our stress then fagettaboutit. Sleep is NOT happening in our home.
We met last week with two managers who heard our story and I will admit - we did a good job of telling it - but they heard about our "case", not about our "family".
It frustrates me to NO end that decisions can be made "in the best interest of the child" based on what people see written on paper, in a file. They see reports, made by people who OCCASIONALLY see us, and infrequently see the kids.
Managers say things to us like "two years is not significant bonding for a child considering the length of his life" and "they are not related by blood and so they are not bonded to one another". These are boys who have been with us since birth and know NO other family.
I wish that these people could see our lives. The lives of the boys whom we love with all our hearts, mights, minds and strengths. The boys who SQUEAL when I walk into the room when I get home from work, and who quiver with excitement at being picked up. I wish they could hear my son; my non-verbal, profoundly hearing impaired son say "momma" when I ask him who loves him.
They will decide the fate of our family over a desk. In a conference room. Maybe tired, maybe having read a multitude of files before they get to ours. They don't know us or anything about us and they hold our lives in their hands - and we wait.

dedicated to my boys

Countdown to the Year of the Tiger

I'm a pig. That is to say, I was born in the Year of the BOAR (or pig).

This year is the Year of the Rooster. Let me just say, that the year of the rooster is not a good one if you happen to be a pig. I don't know what problem roosters have with pigs, generally, but they do not get along. I can attest to this fact.

I looked up the pig outlook for 2009 and it was not good. Predicted were one favorable months, 1 neutral months, and the rest lousy months. Perhaps because I knew this I made it "happen" this way, but I am inclined to believe that much happened beyond my control in 2009 and little of it was good.

We had to put down three cats and one dog just for starters and things didn't improve from there. That's why I am excited for the Year of the Tiger. In exactly 12 days the year of the Tiger begins. Common sense would dictate that two farm animals would have more in common than a farm animal and a predator, but I who am I to say. My pig outlook for the year of the Tiger is 11 favorable months and 1 neutral month. Under normal circumstances I would not claim to be superstitious in any way, but if the Chinese Calendar says this will be a good year for me then I will not dispute it. I will embrace it. I will love it, and perhaps my loving it will translate into me having a better year than last one. 12 days and counting.

letter to Max - 40 months

Dear Max,

Wowza boyo, you are FOURTY months old already? Where did the time go?

I am constantly amazed at how tall you are and still you are my number one baby boy. You have been saying words like crazy and yesterday as you are I were hanging out together in the living room while mom and C-note tried to nap you never stopped talking! It means more to me now since you are actually saying words, and you are quite the character.

Last night after you climbed out of bed for the fiftieth time and snuck downstairs I went to find you. I thought you were in the living room but when I looked in I didn't see you right away. When I came back and turned on the light I noticed you were hiding under the blanket. I asked "Where's Max?" to which you replied 'GONE!"

If we can just get this sleep thing figured out we will be so happy - and so will you. Last night you were up from just after 10 pm until after 4:30 this morning. Of course you kept everyone in the house awake and I'm sorry, it doesn't matter HOW cute you are we are exhausted!

I finally decided to lock Helios out from upstairs since the two of you were unitedly keeping everyone else awake. Helios doesn't care because he is a cat and he sleeps all day and you are his partner in crime for sure.

You had an awesome Christmas with your cousins and you laughed and played until you dropped. It was great to see. I just can't believe how big you are.

I love you so much.

Rest your head, close to my heart, never to part, baby of mine.

Love mama

letter to c-note - 18 months

Dear C-Note,

I can't believe you are already 18 months old. You are walking and jabbering up a storm and your laughter makes me smile every time I hear it.

Your mom and I have been noticing that you are already starting to act a little bit like a two year old - you are practising throwing tantrums which we are currently finding cute, I hope we still feel that way a year from now!

It has been a bit of a blessing that we have been teaching your older brother sign language because you have picked it up well. You also adapt the signs to suit yourself (same as your brother) and when you are hungry you pat your cheeks with your index fingers. It is as cute as you are! This last week when we were getting ready to leave the house you and Max were dancing and jumping. You are too little to get both your feet off the ground but you crouch real low and then pop up and lift one leg off the ground. I could watch you play for hours.

You scared us a little with your eye exam this month, but it turns out you moved your head and made a blur on the picture. The black spot turned out to be nothing but we worried about you for the few days it took to get in and get new pictures taken. The eye doctor decided you had good hand-eye coordination when you grabbed the tool out of his hand as he was trying to look in your eyeball!

You have decided you don't like your car seat and I can't say I blame you. I don't know who decided to make car seats out of rigid plastic. The fact that we are in the car for long stretches of time when we ever DO go anywhere doesn't make it any easier. Thankfully you are mostly a happy go lucky guy and once you are in the seat you settle down right away - unlike Max!

You are still my little snuggler. Last night after your bath you were so tired you fell asleep in mom's lap while I was getting Max out of the tub. I love holding you so much and I am glad that you like to snuggle even though you are getting older. I take every chance I can get to hold you and I am happy that you like it also.

Rest your head, close to my heart, never to part, baby of mine.

I love you,

Mom

parenting alone

I have been a believer always that people who parent alone are amazing. I find it difficult to manage parenting even with a partner because I lack all the skills that seem to make parents "good" at what they do.
Don't get me wrong. I can change a diaper, bath a kid, feed a kid, sometimes dress a kid (depends on the kid) and I am AWESOME at playing with a kid. I just can't seem to do it all in a manner that fits into the time schedule of the rest of the world. It seems as though as soon as I try to get the kids out the door that all my skills evaporate. I cannot get anywhere on time (and that is something that causes me IMMENSE amounts of stress).
So, my spouse has to leave for seven days next month. It will be the longest we have been apart in six years since we were reunited in Canada when we moved from the states. It will be the longest she has been away from the kids and the longest i have looked after them alone. She asked me the other day if I could handle it and of course I CAN, but that didn't stop me from laying awake all night last night wondering how in the world I am going to manage!

time keeps on slipping...

How is it possible that the time keeps slipping away?

The last few days we have spent most of our time in the van, driving to and from medical appointments for the boys. There was a few days there where I could barely think straight with all of the things happening on the adoption front and then we got hit with appointments and all we could do was focus on them. In a way I am glad of the distraction. I think I would have gone insane if I had spent any more time on obsessing about things beyond my control.

Which brings us to today...

The boys are healthy. The surgery for Maxies ears has made a SIGNIFICANT improvement in his hearing. The black spot in Ceegers eye was just a smudge from the little dude moving his head and NOT a tumor!

Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.

perspective

It seems as though there is a lot being written about perspective on the few other blogs I read with regularity. The perspective that comes when something devastating happens - like the earthquake in Haiti. Without a doubt, when tragedy strikes it does something to perspective.

My perspective in life has taken a dramatic shift since Wednesday. Events in our home have shaken me to the core and they seem to be completely beyond our control. The stress we feel has been picked up on by our oldest little man and it was evident last night he was stressed out and didn't know what to do with himself.

So here we go on this journey. Trying to figure out how to deal day to day, trying to minimize the impact of our stress on the lives of our little guys, and looking at the world though a new set of eyes. The things in my world that caused me stress on Monday are laughable today. Our journey has taken an abrupt and significant shift in focus and we need to regroup, set a course, and move forward.

We would give anything for a handbook on what to do. In the meantime we will spend every ounce of our energy to loving our boys.

fighting flu and giving up....

Shel and I have both been fighting the flu for about a week now. The boys have both had a cough and runny noses. The adults in the family, for once, were doing pretty well at keeping the illness at bay. Then we had a meeting with fostercare and adoption workers. Our house was descended upon by three workers, 45 minutes late (I don't think they have ever been on time).
We went through concurrent plans, rates assessments, signed papers of all kinds and then they dropped the BOMB.
The adoptions have been put on hold AGAIN. We have a new worker AGAIN. And best of all - they will not guarantee that we will be able to adopt the boys we have had in our homes since their births.
Needless to say. We are devastated and my body just decided to give up the fight against the flu. I am now sick as a dog. I have literally no voice - which reflects well how I feel in real life. I need to gather my thoughts, get healthy, and start fighting for my family.

12 of 12: January

Chad Darnell (check out his website HERE) hosts 12 of 12. 12 photos taken on the 12th of each month. I love it, and though I have never met Chad, I think he is a genius for thinking of the idea. THANKS CHAD!

Here are my 12 (admittedly more boring than those of other people who participate).....

1. 7am

The boys were up early and came into the bedroom to hang out with us. Everyone (pets, kids and dog) were all present and sharing in the love.

2. 9am.

I am in one of the conference/classrooms waiting for a leadership meeting to begin. The bus has not yet arrived with staff from our other campus. Here is the morning spread. I have no idea why these photos are coming out yellow. I am camera challenged.

3. Noon.

We are having a "working" lunch. I have eaten my sandwhich and I am about to start on my broccoli soup. Our cafeteria makes the most SCRUMPTIOUS soup.

4. 3pm.

Conference room cleared. One person forgot her purse and then the bus left and forgot one of the people. I laughed. we managed to track someone down to return and pick her up. Turns out they DID do a head count, but someone took the bus in the afternoon that didn't take the bus int he morning so they thought they had everyone.

5. 3:30pm Leaving the administration building and heading back to my office. It's getting cold again.

6. 4pm.

What happens to my desk when I am away for the day. HA HA! This is what my desk ALWAYS looks like and something I aim to remedy this year before I drive myself insane.

7. 5pm.

Waiting outside for my spouse to arrive and take me home. We are working with one vehicle currently and it is a hassle. It is still getting dark early and the roads are slippery with fog and freezing rain.

8. 6:30pm

Just got home and the boys got to open the gifts send from Aunty Jill in Texas. Max got maracas and is already making lovely music.

9. 7pm.

Ed is showing Max how to fix a hole. The door came right out of the wall and pulled the screws along with it. I thought I was going to have to move the hinges and all KINDS of fancy things, but our friend and carpenter showed up with glue and toothpicks and saved the day. AWESOME trick!

10. 7:15pm

Still watching the magic taking place. Max is holding his maracas he just got from his aunt.

11. 7:30

That door would have taken mom a LOT longer to hang than 15 minutes from start to finish. Ed is wrapping the cord and Max is fascinated. I think he wants to show Ed a better way! He is an expert on cords you know.

12. 8:30pm

Took Ed home and took a picture of my favorite tree. It's a Mountain Ash and usually has really red berries. The Bohemian Waxwings have been here already and eaten them all. Hopefully we will plant some in our yard this year so we can enjoy them at home also. I need to get a better picture of the Hoar Frost.

the panic train left the station

Panic time over. I found a hard copy of my thesis proposal with all the comments from my advisor for revision. I can now start working on the proposal revision. YAY!
I am HUGELY relieved as I was NOT enthusiastic at all about having to start from scratch and I couldn't for the life of me find the copies I made and stored in three places as I was advised to do. I know for darn sure that when I type it out again there will be MANY copies stored in MANY places and I will keep a list of where they all are.

We spent the majority of the weekend reading and then Sunday we did a bang up job of cleaning the house and rearranging bedrooms etc. Max and I worked on putting his bed together. I left the step that was listed as #1 to the end because I thought I could work more easily in a small space by moving that step to the end. As it turns out I can't skip that step and the toddler bed is now sitting "half" constructed as I have to strip everything back to step one and start over.

We picked the boys up from the babysitter Sunday night and Max has a shiner. Apparently he was running a little too fast and skidded into something head first. He is so cute! When I picked him up from school today his teacher said she cannot believe how much he grew over Christmas. He really did. With his cousin int he house he started talking like mad and he is saying all kinds of new words. We couldn't find his mitts today and asked him where they were. He said "up high". They were on the top shelf of the boot rack in the change room - up high!

I've lost my thesis

ai ai ai ai ai
I cant find my thesis!
This is not good people. I know I need to keep copies of it in three places but I can't find it ANYWHERE. That means I have to start over completely and let's face it, I have absolutely NO motivation.

overheard

Have you ever overheard someone talking and they were talking about you?

Before Christmas I was having a conversation with friends about what paranormal skills we would like to have. R said she would like to know what other people were thinking. I have to be honest and say this is NOT a skill I would like to have. Sure, I care (sometimes) about what others think of me. Sometimes I care too much. Sometimes I care too little. Generally I care too much about what people who mean little in my life think, and care too little what the important people in my life think. It's something I have to find balance in.

I think if I had any ability it would be to travel through time and space. There are innumerable times and places I would visit again if I had the chance.

What would you want?

adding to my list of 99

We met with the foster care support worker today and there are some things we need to do for that so I am adding them to this list - because why not kill two lists with one?

9. Get an updated criminal record check
10. Get a carbon monoxide detector for the house.
11. Fence the dugout.
12. Renew my first aid.

Then, we picked up the mail and there were reminded of something we have wanted to do as a couple, so I am adding those to my list also...

13. Find our marriage license.
14. Change our last names - to a blended last name.

and since I am working on it....

15. Come up with a list of 99 things to do!

lists verses resolutions

I don't know how I feel about resolutions. I like the idea of them but they seem to be things that people set out to do at the beginning of the year that fade into memory and just become things that people regret NOT having done by the end of the year. I don't formally set any kind of new years resolution myself, but I have done, and I may get excited about the idea at some later point in my life.
I do that... change my mind.
What I enjoy however, really, really, REALLY,enjoy, is making lists of things to do and checking things off that list. One of the blogs I follow, poppingbubbles, posted a list of 99 things to accomplish on her blog and then updated the list at the end of the year with the things she had accomplished. I like the idea LOTS. (You can link to it HERE).
So I have decided that I am going to do the same. I am going to make a list of 99 things I want to accomplish this year and I will keep you updated.
Here is the beginning of my list:

1. Sort through the box in my bedroom closet that I have moved to two different households without sorting through.
2. Write monthly letters to my sons. ( I am thinking this should actually count as 24 "things to do" and not one. Depending on how much I get accomplished I may change this later!)
3. Start my thesis.
4. Finish my thesis.
5. Participate in Chad Darnell's 12 of 12 every month.
6. Go to a movie, in a theater, with my spouse.
7. Clean out the bathroom cupboard.
8. Do at least ONE cross stitch project.

91 to go!

What you can learn about me from farmville

My spouse had a friend who passed away tragically a few years ago. By profession he was a therapist. Unfortunately I have only ever heard stories about him because although I did meet him, he did not like me. (I know, how shocking!) One of the things I know about him is that as a part of his work as a therapist he did some art therapy and interpretations of family dynamics from the way in which people drew their homes. (My spouse will have to correct me if I am wrong, but I am pretty sure this was part of his therapy "tool kit").

I am fascinated by the idea that it is possible to tell something about someone just from what they choose to draw and it is something that I contemplate every now and then. What would my drawing say about me?

In the meantime, I don't draw lots, but I play games on facebook, and one of the games I enjoy is "farmville". One of the options you have is to go to the farms that your friends who are also playing the game have linked to yours and you can "help" on their farm for points. I love checking out the farms of other people and trying to match what I know of their personalities with the layout of their farms. This got me thinking.

My farm and my spouses farm are very REAL representations of how we live our lives, and how different we are. My spouse works hard on her farm to make it beautiful. She commented the other day on how she likes to visit her farm because it is a place she would like to be, a place she would like to create for herself in the real world. In real life my spouse is the kind of person who enjoys the journey. I am much more focused on "the destination". My farm is sparse and serves only a FUNCTIONAL purpose. I want to "move forward". I want to maximize my potential. I want to make the most and progress the fastest so that when I am "finished" attaining all the levels that are possible I can make my farm into a place I want to "be".

I don't like it necessarily, but I like working on it. I like calculating which crops to plant and where, how often to harvest, plant and plow. I have had a lot of fun in the last few days comparing farms and wondering if I change the way I farm if it will change the way I live.
I thought about my spouses friend and how fun it would be to analyze drawings. If I can extrapolate this much from a video game how much could I get from something handmade?

This morning on the way to work and daycare my son dropped something on the floor of the van. It was something that he didn't "need" but which would have made his journey into town more enjoyable. When I stopped at the top of the road I put the car in park, I got out, I retrieved his item before proceeding. As I got back in to the drivers seat I gave myself a little pat on the back for taking a moment away from my focus on destination to improve the journey.
It was a teeny thing - and admittedly I waited until I got to the stop sign before getting out - but it made me smile and it made him happy. I think I'll go "plant a tree" on my farmville farm... then again, that might be a little too drastic for me.

Grocery Carts

I think Grocery stores should invest more money on keeping their carts in working order.

There is nothing more frustrating than trying to manhandle a grocery cart - especially when it is full of food.

We have these things at the grocery stores where you have to put in a quarter or a loonie in order to get your cart, and then put it back to get your money back. I know the stores do it so that carts aren't left all over the place - or taken away, but it is seriously a pain when you have to dig through the wallet to get change (not all stores use the same denomination so sometimes you get to the line of carts with a loonie and what you really needed was a quarter..) then once you get your cart it is a piece of trash.

I know the stores don't make money from grocery carts and it is a service provided for convenience. I just think if you are going to provide something that is supposed to be convenient then please MAKE it convenient! Trying to push a cart through the store with a child in it, and then full of groceries should only have to take ONE person to steer, not one person pushing and one person pulling and having to request total strangers help in turning down the aisle because you can't get the sucker to turn... and don't get me started on stores with aisles that don't fit one cart, let alone a cart going in each direction!

Loud living room

I don't care what you say, orange is NOT a Christmas color!

When we moved from the states over six years ago we brought with us some Christmas lights which we got on an after Christmas sale at a GREAT price. They have lasted us a number of years now and I am certain they would have lasted longer except for the fact that my son is ADDICTED to lights and anything electric. Last year he was so obsessed with the lights on the tree that we took the tree down early just because we could not keep him away and it was no longer fun for either him OR us.
As a result of his "light obsession" he somehow found the lights where they were stored on the Quonset over the summer, and destroyed them dragging them around the yard. At the time I figured it was no big deal. The string cost us all of a few dollars and we had many good years of use out of them. Christmas lights seem to be a dime a dozen and I have always seen them on sale virtually EVERYWHERE when the Christmas stuff comes out in the stores. I just figured we would get a new string when it was closer to decorate the tree this year.
Well....unfortunately I have run in to somewhat of a dilemma. Somehow the colors that are "fashionable" for Christmas trees have changed in the last six years. I LOVED the multi colored strings of lights we had for our tree and I searched EVERYWHERE and could not find anything remotely similar. I could get strings of individual colors - but I don't like those for our tree. We like multi colored lights for our tree and that is what I searched for. I have now even searched through every after Christmas sale I can find and I CANNOT for the life of me find what it is that I am looking for. EVERY string of lights is this horrible, fluorescent, orange tinged, nasty, atrocity. ORANGE IS NOT A CHRISTMAS COLOR! When did it come into style? What happened to good old fashioned white, yellow, red, green , blue, I don't even mind pink or purple in the mix. I just want to know who it is that decides when something is no longer in style and when everything has to be changed. What if I still had my old string of lights and just needed to change a bulb? It would have been impossible this year to find something compatible with what I already had. As I packed away the Christmas tree tonight I pondered even keeping the lights because I loathed them so much. But who knows what my options will be next year?

starting out the new year with clean hair...

2010.. Wow.


I can't say I am sad at all to see the end of 2009. What a rough year that was.

I started out the new year with a shower - this is significant because we have had a house FULL of people for a week and with only one bathroom in the house I don't feel as though I saw much of it.

We had a wonderful break with my brother and his family joining us from out of town. It was awesome to have the week off from work and I don't think there is anything better than spending the holidays with family - especially LITTLE kids at Christmas.

If I had to sum it up in one word I would say 'LOUD'! We had five kids in the house - all under the age of four, and then we added a two year old and a six year old for two days. We ate a LOT of food - do you know how many loaves of bread it takes to make 13 people sandwiches for lunch?!

I got an awesome little video camera at Christmas and I need to upload some more videos so you can get a better idea of what the whole fiasco was like. I wouldn't trade it for the world (my family and the noise, not the video camera!) - I just wish more of the kids slept at the same time and for longer periods of time. My nephew fell asleep at the dinner table one night which was very cute, but I needed to eat more than I needed to sleep. Of course when it was time for bed he had just woken up from a nice little nap and he was rearing to go again.

But now they are all gone. I have had a shower and something to eat without sharing it seven different ways. It sure feels good to be clean, but I am sad and missing my loved ones.