Letter to Cael - 36 months

Dear Cael.
Wow, I cannot believe it!

You are three years old this month. The time has literally flown by. I still remember holding you in my arms the day we picked you up from the hospital. You were SO tiny - less than five pounds. It boggles my mind that you are so tall and growing up in every way.
You are becoming more and more independent which is cool, but so hard for me to let go! You don't want help getting in and out of the van at all and you are doing VERY well with your potty training. I love to do happy dances with you when you use the toilet. You love them as well - you particularly love to tell me "how" to dance, which I find immensely amusing.
You have had a love of all things related to cars for as long as I can remember. You have a matchbox car in your hand at all times. You even go to sleep with one in your hand!

You love to bath more than anyone I know. If you had your druthers you would bath four or more times a day. In fact, on many days you do take at LEAST two baths, sometimes three. You are a water baby through and through.

When Gramma was here we put up the trampoline. You spend HOURS jumping and entertaining yourself on the tramp - but sometimes you sneak Hugo on with you. You are a social butterfly and would prefer to do anything with company if you had your choice.

You bring so much joy to our home and you are such a blessing I cannot imagine my life without you. I love you my humpback whale.

Rest your head, close to my heart, never to part, baby of mine.

Mom

Letter to C-note

Dear Baby.
I know - you aren't a baby anymore. Last night we sat on my bed and played a game. You would look off into the corner of the room and I would ask "Where's my baby?" then you spun your head around and looked at me and I said 'THERE'S my baby!" and we snuggled and tickled and laughed. You would say "gen" (it means again) and we would play all over again.
It is so hard for me to watch you growing bigger each day. Don't get me wrong, I love it - but it is also so sad as each phase passes to know I will never have that teeny tiny four pound baby in my arms again. You are my joy. You wake up int he morning so happy and you are happy until the last moment at night. Each night when I carry you to bed you still snuggle into my arms and lay your head on my shoulder and I would do anything to freeze those precious moments in time.
You are getting SO tall. Mom dragged out a box of clothes that were Maxies and when I came home today you were wearing a shirt that in my mind is a "big boy shirt". You looked SOO cute, but I can't help the twinge of sadness I felt when I saw you in it.
I am loving your sense of humor. You tease your brother and I am thrilled about it - because he teases you! I love it when you call him 'Max - WELL' and then laugh. He calls you "CJ - well" whenever you do it. Last week you came with me when I took Max to school. When we went to pick him up we were waiting in the lobby of the school when he came down the hall. You RAN to him and HUGGED him and didn't let him go for at least a minute. He stood there hugging you back and I wish I had a camera with me to save the moment - it is saved in my mind though. You love your brother so much.

You love to wear my hats and you love to wear your hollywood glasses and we have come up with a special wave that means ' I love you'.
You are talking so well, saying new words every day, and the absolute highlight of my day is when I come in the door at night and you SHRIEK with excitement and run to me and I pick you up and hold you. I cherish you my boy.
Rest your head close to my heart, never to part, baby of mine.

Love mama.

letter to C-note: 32 months

Dear C-note.
Wowza. You are growing so fast, so fast. When you fall asleep in my arms at night I just want the clock to stop. I just want to hold you. Last night I looked at you laying in your crib and you are so LONG! You called for me int he middle of the night last night. I went into your room where you were sleeping and you reached up to hold my hand. You didn't even open your eyes, you just reached for me. I held your hand for a minute and then you tucked it back under your belly and went back to sleep. I will come to you whenever you call me - even if it is just to hold your hand.
I still remember the little four pound baby that you were when you came home from the hospital. You were so teeny in my arms. When you are ready to sleep you tuck your arms underneath you, close to my body and nuzzle your head into my shoulder and breath a deep sigh and go to sleep. I love you so much that just thinking about it makes my chest hurt. You bring me more joy than I knew was possible.
You smile and you laugh and you wave and everything you do just makes me love you more. You are having a rough time cutting four teeth right now and I am sure your ears are bugging you but you are still so happy. You say "momma", "up", "please" ,"open"(and should I admit your one other word is "coke"?) but your voice even makes me smile. You are getting more and more independent and I love it, but oh I miss how much you depended on me what seems like just a few minutes ago. I know we are getting closer and closer to your "terrible twos" because you are not afraid at all to exert your will, even if it is the form of a tantrum! I find these little expressions of your will amusing right now - probably because I haven't experienced one in the middle of the grocery store yet - but the next year should be an interesting one as you get more and more independent.
I love you my little humpback whale.
Rest your head, close to my heart, never to part, baby of mine.
Love mama

letter to C-Note

Whats up my little humpback whale?

I am pretty sure you NOT be impressed that this is the photo I chose to share of you this month, but I couldn't resist. Let's just say there were others more revealing which you will be grateful are not posted here! I cannot believe how much you are growing.

We have the potty out to try and teach your older brother how to use. He has absolutely no interest in it but you have a BALL sitting on the potty. You think it is hilarious and you sit on it every opportunity you get. You haven;t actually used it for the purpose for which it was intended yet, but if you keep sitting there something is inevitably going to happen I am certain.

I love you so much words cannot even express. You make me so happy and leaving you in the morning when you cry to come with me just tears my heart out. Mom holds you at the back window and you wave and blow kisses until we are out of site. I hate this part of the day and look forward to every minute until we are back together again.

The weather is getting better and better and you LOVE to be outside. In fact, you love being outside so much that you scream blue murder when we try to bring you inside! The days are getting longer and you think that as long as the sun in shining you should be outside. This might prove to be a bit of a problem for us in June when there is daylight for 20 hours a day. I have been having some fun with the burn pile because the weather is nice, there are no bugs and it is perfect to have a big bonfire. You are a very good helper, but more interested in making your own way around the yard than in hanging out with me. I can see there won't be many opportunities to sit outside and read a book this summer with you making trails in the yard. It makes me laugh to think how differently your mom and I live our lives with our boys than we did before you came along. Our lives revolve around you and to be honest I wouldn't have it any other way.... just slow down for me as you trek across the yard ok bud?

I love you to the stars and back.

Rest your head, close to my heart, never to part baby of mine.

Love mama.

letter to c-note - 18 months

Dear C-Note,

I can't believe you are already 18 months old. You are walking and jabbering up a storm and your laughter makes me smile every time I hear it.

Your mom and I have been noticing that you are already starting to act a little bit like a two year old - you are practising throwing tantrums which we are currently finding cute, I hope we still feel that way a year from now!

It has been a bit of a blessing that we have been teaching your older brother sign language because you have picked it up well. You also adapt the signs to suit yourself (same as your brother) and when you are hungry you pat your cheeks with your index fingers. It is as cute as you are! This last week when we were getting ready to leave the house you and Max were dancing and jumping. You are too little to get both your feet off the ground but you crouch real low and then pop up and lift one leg off the ground. I could watch you play for hours.

You scared us a little with your eye exam this month, but it turns out you moved your head and made a blur on the picture. The black spot turned out to be nothing but we worried about you for the few days it took to get in and get new pictures taken. The eye doctor decided you had good hand-eye coordination when you grabbed the tool out of his hand as he was trying to look in your eyeball!

You have decided you don't like your car seat and I can't say I blame you. I don't know who decided to make car seats out of rigid plastic. The fact that we are in the car for long stretches of time when we ever DO go anywhere doesn't make it any easier. Thankfully you are mostly a happy go lucky guy and once you are in the seat you settle down right away - unlike Max!

You are still my little snuggler. Last night after your bath you were so tired you fell asleep in mom's lap while I was getting Max out of the tub. I love holding you so much and I am glad that you like to snuggle even though you are getting older. I take every chance I can get to hold you and I am happy that you like it also.

Rest your head, close to my heart, never to part, baby of mine.

I love you,

Mom

Letter to C-note 10 months

Hey there my smiley dude.
I can't believe you are already ten months old this month. As I type I have just laid you down to sleep. You are teething right now and not having an easy time of it. You have one tooth already and it is the CUTEST tooth ever - right at the bottom in the middle of your mouth. You have some difficulty with teething because your gums keep swelling and so the tooth pokes out and then when the gums swell it goes back. The past few days you have had a fever and your cheeks are rosy, rosy red. We can already see the second tooth trying to cut through but I don't know how long it will be until it arrives permanently.
Your mom has spoiled you horribly and she rocks you to sleep no matter if it is night time or nap time. I think she loves holding you more than you love being held if that is possible. Unfortunately it means we have to hold you EVERY time you need to fall asleep. (You will learn as you grow up it isn't a good idea to disagree with your mother !)
You also "hum" when you are falling to sleep. You are all around cute, cute, cute, and OH, have I mentioned your little wave yet? You wave hello and I just melt whenever I see you.
I don't know if you can tell from this letter or not that I am completely in love with you!
You are growing like a little weed. We had to get you some clothing because nothing that belonged to Maxie seems to fit you. You are wearing all year old clothing even though you are only ten months old. We had you measured and you are still a little shorty but pack quite the heft!
You are crawling and pulling yourself up on things so it is time to "re"baby proof the house. I am pretty sure your mom is excited about getting to do that because she really likes that kind of thing - She really likes telling me what to do - but you probably already noticed that! I am loving your growing up, even though your tooth is a little sharp when you teeth on my fingers now.
You love the bath, and you love the pets and your big brother. You and I hang out and watch tv together because you will actually sit still for longer than a minute. Unfortunately you are also a LOT more interested in my books than Max ever has been - and you eat them, which is hard to explain to the librarian. I am thinking of taking you into the library and actually letting the librarian see you eat a book so she believes me and doesn't thing I am using the library as my personal book ordering club.
Anyway little man. I have to sign off now because you are fussing - imagine that! You were perfectly fine hanging out in my arms, but I got CRAZY and laid you in your crib. My bad!!

I love you,
Rest your head close to my heart, never to part, baby of mine.

Love mommy.

P.s. Dear C-note. I am adding this little post script the day after I wrote you the letter. More specifically the morning after a HEINOUS night with you and your teething. You fussed, and you fussed, and you FUSSED all night long but you were mostly "sleeping" while you were fussing. We held you, rocked you, held you, rocked you, and finally I got up and rocked you in the rocking chair until you fell asleep. You would fall asleep and then in just a few minutes start crying and crying. It was a painfully long night. We do not like it when you are in pain, but you are sleeping peacefully now - you fell asleep when the sun came up... what is that about?

Letter to C-note: 8 months

Dear C-note.
You are 8 months old already. I can hardly believe it. I am sitting here typing listening to you in the bedroom squealing with delight at your mom and your toys. You are such a happy little dude and you bring a smile to my face very day. You are getting to be so independent and now you are holding your own bottle like such a big boy. For some reason you have very little interest in trying to crawl, you prefer to be carried to every destination and so we oblige you!
Max has been so very sweet with you. He tries to share everything even though we remind him you still don't have any teeth. He doesn't understand why you don't have teeth yet since he already had seven teeth by the time he was your age.
This last month we had a scary time with your health. You had RSV and ended up in the hospital for a week. Max was sick at the same time and we were all together in one hospital room. They had a crib for you which looked like it was right out of post -war Russia. Great big metal bars that were above our heads when the side was raised. I thought a few times maybe our little hospital was given a donation of cribs from some abandoned foreign orphanage. You looked like a little prisoner in it.
You were so congested and could hardly breathe. You sounded absolutely terrible and our attempts to rid you of the phlegm were lame. You started looking at me suspiciously every time I came close to your mouth with a finger extended. I'm pretty certain you thought my fingers were about to take up permanent residency in your toothless mouth as I tried to scoop phlegm every time you gave a feeble cough.
You are home now and your happy disposition is as intact as ever.
You are growing and growing (more in a circle than lengthwise). You have such chubby little legs now and the roundest belly, but you are not getting any taller. We have all of Max's clothes for you to wear but it seems that you barely fit into any of them. We have to roll up all the sleeves and the legs, but your tummy fills them all out. It is hard to believe that you were just skin and bone when you arrived 8 months ago.
I love you little man. I'm on my way to snuggle with you. Rest your head close to my heart, never to part, baby of mine.
Love, Mom

letter to c-note 7 months

Dear Little C-note,

I cannot believe you have been with us already for seven months. You are growing like a weed and we love it. We went for your check up with the doctor and you are in the 10th percentile for height and the 75th percentile for weight. This is a HUGE improvement from the 5th percentile you came home in. Unfortunately when the two are combined (height and weight) you are one chubby little fella. I never thought "chubby" would be a word used to describe you.

I had to take you into town for your shots, which I hate for two reasons. Number one, I hate seeing you in pain and man did you ever scream. I have never heard you scream like that. Number 2, I am not good with needles. Trying to hold you and avoid seeing the needle is a little awkward. It is equally embarrassing to be asked by the child health nurse if I need to lay down after YOUR shots!

We are working on trying to get you onto solid food and have been trying for a month. You seemed so ready for the leap from formula, you looked at us with great interest whenever we ate anything. When we finally did try to feed you rice cereal you looked at us like we were some kind of fools. This is NOT what you have been watching us eat and it is YUKKY! Your facial expressions are classic.

Still no sign of teeth from you and your mom and I have a feeling that when they finally decide to show they will arrive with fury. Everything else for you has seemed so easy compared to your big brother Max, but he already had seven teeth when he was your age and teething for him was probably the easiest thing he did in the first seven months of his life. I fear the same cannot be said for you.

You recognise everyone in the family now and you have huge smiles for us all, including the pets. I love coming home and seeing your reaction to me walking into the room. You are much more itnerested in the television (which some parents would think was terrible, but I am ecstatic - FINALLY a tv watching companion for me!)

I love you little man.

Mom

Letter to C-Note 6 months

Dear baby,

Well you have been with us for 6 months now. You came to us when you were just a day old and not even five pounds. I can't believe 6 months has passed already.

The decision has pretty much been made that you will be leaving us. I am not in denial - I know it's coming, but I just want to cherish every day with you that we possibly can. I would be lying if I said I have fallen in love with anyone in the way I have fallen for you.

You are the happiest baby I have ever known. Granted it was a pain when you were so tiny to feed you so dang often. I don't do sleep deprivation well. But last night I was watching a movie and the theme song was "Big Yellow Taxi" (counting crows version and my personal favorite). ANYWAY, the lyrics go " don't it always seem to go, that you don't know what you've got till it's gone"... and I thought of you. You see. In this case I know EXACTLY what it is that I have and you aren't gone!

We have been foster parents now for five years. We have had many children come and go in our home and we have loved all of them (some more than others) but we have given all of them a piece of ourselves and we miss them when they leave. I can honestly say that I think our fostering days are done once you leave us. I have loved you so much and given my whole heart to you and I can't bear to do it all again.

No matter where you end up my baby, know that you were loved here first and most, and we didn't need to wait till you were gone to know exactly what a special person you are.

Mom.