Thursday, February 26, 2009

thursday thirteen: thirteen things happening in my world today

Today I am blogging about thirteen things happening in my world today. It has been a week from where Satan dwells and I cannnot wait for it to end. The only problem with it ending is another one just like it starts Monday.

1. My boys are beginning the third night of their stay in the hospital. Max is getting better but CJ is getting worse. I say Max is getting better - he slept most of the day, so really he is far from being himself, but he is out of the woods I think.

2. Every Thursday I am responsible for hosting a student social in residence. Every Thursday for the past two years my process for preparing for this night has been altered because of what i believe to be a power play by a staff member in another department. I have dealt with it, even though it is a huge pain in my behind. I don't start work until 4pm on Thursdays and I have to meet this staff member to collect things I need for my evening. I went today, as I have for 2 years, and this person was gone. Left. Gone home. I now have to deal with having NOTHING for my function. I took care of it, of course, but the whole situation has me intensely frustrated.
Apparently this person told others that I was "unreachable" all day. Funny thing was - I got no calls on my cell phone, no messages on my office phone, no emails, and no calls to the other two people in my office who WERE here. Just to add fuel to the whole situation, I WAS in the office today before 4pm - putting together something this person had called for at 9am this morning because it was SOOOO important to them that I turn it in.

3. Hosting my student social and planning March activities.

4. Attending class online for my masters class that I am currently enrolled in -from a computer that doesn't give me the full access I need. I can't move to a computer that DOES give me access because of #5 and #6.

5. My assistant is on vacation this week. I was on crack when I said it was an o.k. week to go. I am short staffed in the rec center. I have close to 100 people checking out tomorrow and have to do assessments with no help. 9 I asy "no help" with tongue in cheek. Someone has volunteered to help but this person has done so once before and it was more pain that help). I have a check in on Sunday which will be the 4th weekend I have worked out of the past 5. My sons are in the hospital (which has absolutely nothing to do with my assistant but has made my life this week increasingly complex).

6. I have been on the phone twice today with angry parents who should not be talking to me at all. I would say more on this topic, but I DO like my job. I have not been able to accomplish things I NEED to do because I am putting putting out fires I neither started, nor should I be responsible for putting out. OH WELL! I can't leave my phone when I am talking on it to take care of #4.

7. I am trying to put together an exit survey which will take care of two things...
a) information from other departments regarding how this department is run. Do these people not have enough time in the day to worry about their own garbage that they have to worry about mine? I certainly don't have the time to worry about theirs.
b)Some stuff in my department DOES need to change and this will be a great catalyst to get er done. .

8. Sleep deprivation. An example of my sleep deprivation would be that i walked out of the hospital into a running van and began to drive it away. My spouse told me she left the van running for me outside. When I noticed a cell phone I thought wubby had left hers behind and thought I would take it in for her. When I picked the phone up I realized it was not her phone, and looked around. Not her phone, not our van! I drove the van back to where I got into it and found my van in the parking lot a little way away. Once in my van driving away I realized that the van was neither the same make, nor the same colour as ours. How could I have explained THAT one to the police do you think?

9. Covering for shifts where I have no staff.

10. Completing month end tasks before month end... because they are "DESPERATELY" needed by other departments. I will never understand this. I still have to do the same thing for them next week because month end happens on Saturday, they will need all the info again on Monday. Nothing like doing the work twice.

11. Freezing my @#^%*&()!@!( **& % off because the temperature is - 3000000000000. Usually I go outside a handful of times a day and I park very close to my destination. This is not possible in the parking lot of the hospital and I can't find my coat. I thought I moved to Canada, but I really moved to Uranus. There is no groundhog in Uranus to predict an early spring. (maybe there is a groundhog in UR Anus, but please keep that info to yourself and your groundhog).

12. Giving breathing treatments to two very unhappy boys. Max wanted me to put the mask on so I thought if I put it on for a second it would show him there was nothing wrong with it and then he would put it back on. No way Hose. I put it on and that was good enough for him. He covered his head with his blanket.

13. Getting ignorant emails. People, please read what you write before you send it and GET OVER YOURSELVES.

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

letter to Max, 29 months

Dear Maxie Man,

I am writing you this letter while you are laying in a hospital bed. At least, when I left you were laying in a hospital bed and I hope you still are (for your moms sake). We had a very scary night with you last night. You were breathing over a hundred breaths in one minute and your heart rate was over 160 beats in a minute. You were in rough shape.
It turns out you have viral pneumonia. You had us worried there for a moment - and the doctors and nurses also.
You were SO good getting your IV put in. As soon as you started to feel a bit better you were very curious about how you were attatched to a pole and beeping monitor.
Of course last night when you happened to be smiling and giggling for the first time in many days, the doctor came in and suggested that you were too sick to be laughing. He was right, but it made me sad not to be able to make you smile.
I just got off the phone with your mom and you are having a tough time. I have to make some arrangements at work to escape from here for the rest of the night and go back up to the hospital. You are being grumpy. Imagine that! Sick and grumpy.
I love you buddy. I hate that you are so sick.
I'm on my way to hang with you.


I just got back from seeing you. Unfortunately I have to be at work tonight. You are not very good at being sick - though I don't know who ever IS good at being sick. You are grumpy, grumpy, grumpy. you want to be picked up, then put down. You want to walk, then be carried, then not by me, then not by your mom.
We are being incredibly indulgent of you - which I do not regret, but I am not looking forward to the days next week when life is "back to normal" and you want life to be as accomodating as it is now.

ten on tuesday: ten favorite ethnic foods

You can click on the logo above to see what others posted.
This weeks topic is my favorite ten ethnic foods.
Here goes.

1. anything Mexican
2. anything Mexican
3. anything Mexican
4. anything Mexican
5. anything Mexican
6. anything Mexican
7. anything Mexican
8. anything Mexican
9. anything Mexican
10. anything Mexican

Needless to say I have a hankering for Mexican food. There is no good Mexican way up where we live and the last time we were in California we ate Mexican food every single day we were there. I can't wait to go back.

Monday, February 23, 2009

Stolen Meme

This week the meme at my two cents is all about sex. And though I am tempted to copy it and answer the questions, it may scare away the two people who acknowledge that they follow this blog. So instead I stole a meme from Stealing Sunday.
Here you go.

1. Is there someone you'd like to be kissing right now?
Yes. My sons.
2. When you're being extremely quiet, what does it mean?
I am either sleeping, reading, or mad.
3. What are you listening to right now?
Indigo girls, Leaving.
4. Are you a big fan of thunderstorms?
HUGE fan.
5. Do you believe in perfect?
Yes. My sons are.
6. Are you a jealous person?
I think so. i was extremely jealous of my spouses friendship with a dude named Jon. But when I met her I thought he was her boyfriend and I don't think I ever got over it.
7. What was the first thing you thought this morning?
This morning started for me at 12.01 am and I knew it was the beginning of a LONG day without sleep.
8. What do you think about when you are falling asleep?
What I am reading
9. Are you satisfied with what you have in life?
10. Do people ever think that you're either older or younger than you actually are?
I think people think I am older than I am.
11. Do you think men truly understand women?
12. How about women understanding men?
13. Did anybody ever call you handsome or beautiful?
14. What is one fact about the last person that called you?
um.. she speaks extremely loudly into the phone. Yells in fact, and she never leaves messages which is VERY annoying.
15. Other than your current one, what’s the longest relationship you have had?
I have had a relationship with my parents for 37 years. Is that my current one?

Sunday, February 22, 2009

Bullet Sunday

  • Patience: I have heard all my life from my mother that patience is a virtue. I have been thinking about it this weekend because my sons are sick - both of them are quite sick now but it all started with Max. I had to take him to the emergency room on Wednesday night because of an allergy attack he was having. I think that allergy attack completely drained the poor kid of every hope he had of fighting off any bugs and he got the flu. I would not describe myself as a patient person usually, but then I started to give it some thought.
  • Today I investigated virtues and found there is a lot more to virtues than I ever knew. There are LOTs of virtues. Patience originates as one from the Psychomachia ("Contest of the Soul"), a poem written by Aurelius Clemens Prudentius (c. AD 410) entailing the battle of virtues and vices. The intense popularity of this work helped to spread the concept of holy virtue throughout Europe. Practicing virtues is considered to protect one against temptation from the seven deadly sins, with each one having its counterpart. Each of the seven heavenly virtues matches a corresponding deadly sin.
  • Seven deadly sins: Can you name them all? Let's see if I can without looking.
    pride. envy. lust. gluttony. I missed greed, sloth and wrath.
  • Seven contrary virtues... humility, kindness, chastity, temperance, charity, diligence, patience.
  • Of the virtues I always thought I was most lacking in patience, but I think I am actually better at patience than some of the others. I handled going to the emergency room with a two year old and waiting around. I handled sitting with him in a chair giving him a breathing treatment. I handle issues at work with unhappy people. I am giving myself some extra credit on patience. Let's see how I do on the others. I would say I am pretty diligent and do o.k. on humility - is it possible to think that and be humble at the same time? maybe not! My chastity is great, my charity fair but I have a lot to work on as far as temperance and kindness. It's just nice to know that if my mom ever says "Patience is a virtue" again, I can assure her it's one I have a handle on.

Thursday, February 19, 2009


The New York Post contains a cartoon which they call "satirical".

You say satirical, I say racist.
Yeah. yeah, I know all about free speech. I think there's a place for satire.
I believe in free speech.
Do I agree with the publishing of this cartoon?

Not a chance.

Looks like the USA just jumped back in time a number of decades... oh wait, the USA doesn't treat all citizens as equal in THIS decade.
Am I surprised the cartoon was published? I wish I could say yes, but I am not, only saddened.

Julie needs.....

I haven't seen this before and then today I saw it twice, once on my friend RANAVAN's blog and then once on a blog of someone who is participating in Thursday thirteen so I thought I would try it out.

What you do is go to google and then put your name down followed by the word "needs".
I literally laughed out loud. Here is what my search turned up...

... a new pair of shoes.

... coffee.


... to get out in the fresh Eire

... a new house.

... a patient family.

... to go to bed.


.... to bath.

Then for EXTRA fun I tried it out with my spouses name to see what she needs. This is what turned up.

...a new crib

... to see Star Wars

... a vacation to.

She will agree with every one of those!

Tuesday, February 17, 2009


I would just like to say THANK YOU to MC Beaton who writes books I can still read in one sitting.
I was so discouraged in my poor reading performance earlier this week when I finished only the fourth book I have read since January 1st that i picked up a fairly new MC Beaton book in despair. MC brought a glimmer of hope back into my life. I finished the book in a night and a half - which is still painfully slow for me, but a tad better than I have been doing otherwise.
It's getting pretty close to Lent, which is when I traditionally give up hope, but I was almost having to start early except for the writing of MC. Blessings on your head MC Beaton. Blessings on your head.

Waiting for my spouse to blog

My spousal Unit blogs. I enjoy reading her blog. We do some things the same - like ten on Tuesday - but we have a "thing" where we don't read what the other has written until we have posted our own. That's because we want to try and be "original" which is difficult after being together a lot of years. If I read her list before I posted mine I would be influenced by what she chose. It's a fun thing for us - - except for me right now because I am ready for her to read and comment on mine and she hasn't finished hers which means she WON'T be reading or commenting on mine tonight. ARG! She is in bed right now, reading a book and falling to sleep because it is her night to sleep and my night with the baby. I am sitting here trying to think of things to do to distract me from the fact that She won't be blogging or reading tonight.
What I need to do is go and read some homework and forget this silliness.

Ten on Tuesday: Ten songs that describe me or my life

You can check out others links if you click on the little logo above.
Here are ten songs that describe me or my life, in no particular order...

1. Lion Sleeps Tonight.
My family always sang no matter where we were going. We would sing if we were in the car 5 minutes or 5 days. Lion Sleeps Tonight is a song we loved to sing and everyone had a part. If only Justin had the same falsetto now that he did then.....

2. Suddenly. Soraya

3. Ghost. Indigo Girls

I was introduced to the Indigo Girls by the first woman who ever kissed me. This song was the one I listened to over and over as I was struggling with my identity. I don't think there is any one song that I feel better describes my "coming to terms with my gay" life. It took a lot of years for that to happen. It's still a work in progress.

Here are the lyrics:
There's a letter on the desktop
that i dug out of a drawer
the last truce we ever came to
in our adolescent war
and i start to feel the fever
from the warm air through the screen
you come regular like seasons
shadowing my dreams
and the mississippi's mighty
but it starts in minnesota
at a place that you could walk across
with five steps down
and I guess that's how you started
like a pinprick to my heart
but at this point you
rush right through me
and i start to drown
and there's not enough room
in this world for my pain
signals cross and love gets lost
and time passed makes it plain
of all my demon spirits
i need you the most
i'm in love with your ghost
i'm in love with your ghost
dark and dangerous like a secret
that gets whispered in a hush
(don't tell a soul)
when i wake the things i
dreamt about you
last night make me blush
and you kiss me like a lover
then you sting me like a viper
i go follow to the river
play your memory like a piper
and i feel it like a sickness
how this love is killing me
i'd walk into the fingers
of your fire willingly
and dance the edge of sanity
i've never been this close
i'm in love with your ghost
unknowing captor
you never know how much you
pierce my spirit
but i can't touch you
can you hear it
a cry to be free
oh i'm forever under lock and key
as you pass through me
now i see your face before me
i would launch a thousand ships
to bring your heart back to my island
as the sand beneath me slips
as i burn up in your presence
and i know now how it feels
to be weakened like achilles
with you always at my heels
this bitter pill i swallow
is the silence that i keep
it poisons me i can't swim free
the river is too deep
though i'm baptized by your touch
i am no worse than most
in love with your ghost
you are shadowing my dreams

4. Baby Mine. Dumbo Movie.
This is the lullaby I sing to my boys.

5. My Immortal. Evanescence
This song can make me cry for the ones I have lost.

6. Everything. Alanis Morissette

7. You'll never walk alone - Liverpool FC Anthem
Liverpool FC is my team. The team I have grown up with and the anthem which is the anthem of my life also.

8. Do you hear the people sing? Les Mis
There is such a huge part of my soul which shouts out for the oppressed. Though the oppressed I am thinking of are my country men and women of Africa, this song resonates with me.

9. Say You'll be Mine. Amy Grant
I am not a huge Amy Grant song but I sing this to my spouse until she says 'I'll be your baby". It's fun. (for me anyway!)

10. Every Breath You Take. Police

I have a great friendship with my cousin/sister Tracy. I pretty much spent my entire infancy with her and her brother and when I was a teenager I spent summers with her and had immense amounts of fun. When she went on a mission I used to sing "Since you're gone I've been lost without a "Trace".

And I am sorry but it is completely impossible for me to give just ten, so I will give some honorable mentions also...

Pachelbel Canon in D
Billy Gilman. One Voice
Alabama. Angels Among us.
I believe that the people here on earth ARE the angels. You can make a choice every day to bless the lives of people around you. Sometimes you don't even know if the kindness you perform will bless another or not. But it's people - here - that are the angels. I've met one or two and I hope at some point in my life I have been one, if only to a foster kid.

Paul McCartney. This One
P!nk. Leave Me Alone.
Pass the Dutchie. Musical Youth
This is the first RADIO song that I remember. Prior to this moment in my life the only songs I knew were the songs my parents listened to or the songs from church. While I love these, Pass the Dutchie marked my own transition to musical knowledge.

I'm out of time, but I will be adding to this list for sure...

Monday, February 16, 2009

Stolen Meme

I took this from PoppingBubbles. You can check out the original here.

1. My uncle once used me to get into the squash court and open the door for him and his friends. They took me to the viewing area above the court and dropped me down inside. I think they used me for lots of things like this.

2. Never in my life have I experienced childbirth, though I have experienced the pain of child rearing!

3. When I was five my family traveled across the ocean on a ship called the Pendennis Castle. I remember the parties when we crossed the equator. My dad popped my beachball to use as part of his costume for the costume party.

4. High school was pretty good for me. I like school, so being in class was always an escape from the painful realities of adolescence.

5. I will never forget to unplug my car before I drive away - done it once, won't do it again.

6. Once I met this girl I fell in love with. Everyone knew it, including the professors who taught her classes because I would wait outside her classroom door and the professors would tell me what she was doing as they walked out. She would come out of class and be shocked that I was "passing by". It was a bit shocking I suppose since I had no classes on that floor.

7. There’s this boy I know whom I love with all my heart. I don't think he knows how much I love him.

8. Once, at a bar, I had my friends collect coins for me in a cup labeled "Julie's tooth fund".

9. By noon, I’m almost ready to get out of bed.

10. Last night I took my turn with the baby. We need to come up with a better system cause right now NO-ONE is getting any sleep.

11. If only I had a winning lottery ticket in my pocket.

12. Next time I go to church may be in a casket.

13. What worries me most is that I might let someone down.

14. When I turn my head left I see my spouse.

15. When I turn my head right I see a pile of books I haven't read yet.

16. You know I’m lying when I - tell you I'm straight.

17. What I miss most about the Eighties is the music.

18. If I were a character in Shakespeare I’d be one of MacBeth's Witches.

19. By this time next year I will one month away from finishing my masters degree.

20. A better name for me would be ... Sorry I can't think of anything that would be appropriate to put on this blog for my "g" rated audience.

21. I have a hard time understanding why some of the people who work where I do can be so completely ignorant.

22. If I ever go back to school, I’ll - be working on my doctorate and hopefully in the USA

23. You know I like you if I can be serious with you.

24. If I ever won an award, the first person I would thank would be Micheal Jackson and the children.

25. Take my advice, never jump on the ice in your water tank in the middle of winter.

Sunday, February 15, 2009

Bullet Sunday

  • I finally have a weekend off from work and the temperatures have not risen above -26 Celsius.
  • We are in a recession. (The spiralling effect of lower income and low spending dampens confidence in the economy, contributing to a recession.) Only it doesn't make sense to me because my family has spent more money since January 1st of this year than we have in the first 6 weeks of any other year I can recall.
  • According to the Montreal Gazette, the recession is keeping tourists away from Antarctica. Believe me, there are other reasons keeping me from visiting Antarctica. You can link to the story in the gazette here .
  • When the temperatures where I LIVE do not rise above -26 during the second week of February, there is no way you are convincing me to spend money to visit a place where temperatures on the Polar Plateau range from -115 to +6 F. The average temperature is -56. That has NOTHING to do with the recession!


I have to admit I am a bit of a pyromaniac. I love fire. I love lighting fire, I love playing with fire.
As a result of this I have been very careful in my life not to light fireworks. One reason is because I KNOW I will fall in love with them and spend LOTS of money on them.

The other is because I tend to be as much of a klutz as I am a pyro. I know my luck and I know that I am likely to set a field on fire or something with my fire making tendencies, so I try to "reign them in" as much as possible.

Last night I had some fireworks. I have been ITCHING to set them off for ages and finally I thought I would do it.

The instructions on the first said to light it and then start 15 meters away. I lit it, but I don't know how far 15 meters was so I was running away (trying to be very diligent about following the instructions) but and unfortunately my back was turned when it went off and I completely missed it.

The second set of instructions said to stand 30 meters away and to bury the firework half way up in sand or dirt. Because it is the middle of the winter I don't have any sand or dirt readily available I thought if I buried it in a snow bank that would work just as well.

The first one went off without a hitch and it was great. The snowbank didn't hold it upright though and the thing fell over and started shooting fireworks at the house. I thought it was quite funny - I was just a "little" nervous that one would explode in the back of the van where my souse was unloading groceries. Somehow she didn't think it was funny to be unloading groceries with fireworks going off all around her. The snow made them look cool though.

When we came inside I explained that the snow hadn't held up the canister. My spouse pointed out that the heat from the fireworks probably melted the snow all around the canister.
OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. Of course! I didn't even think of it!

I will admit it was fun though. I might have to look into getting some more.


Today is February 15th 2009. I have just completed reading my fourth book of the year. FOURTH book. I am stunned, appalled, saddened, and if I could think of any other adjectives right now I would add them here.
I know it has been a busy year and I KNOW I have loads to do as far as writing my thesis, so I expected that my reading for pleasure would be slow this year. I just cannot believe I have only read four books. I only wish they had been riveting books. I doubt I will even remember what they were about in another 6 weeks.

Saturday, February 14, 2009

Friday Fill In

Friday Fill In. Link to it here.

1. It seems like I am never going to be done.
2. Turn off the lights when you're done, please?
3. If I thought you liked me just a little bit I'd feel much better!
4.Opportunity is what I think of most when I think of you.
5. To me, Valentine's Day means my niece's birthday.
6. Being loved gives me strength.
7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to picking up my boy from daycare, tomorrow my plans include doing something for my spouse and Sunday, I want to laugh at Funniest Home videos!

Friday, February 13, 2009

music memoirs: top five songs that horrify you

I found this meme courtesy of the Bumbles blog which you can link to here.
I LOVE music, and this seemed like a perfect way to incorporate music into my blog each week. Thanks Bumbles!
You can link to music memoirs here.

This week the topic was to list the top five songs that horrify you and explain why.

Here are my top five horrific songs. (usually I would leave a link so you could check out the songs on youtube or some other site, but in this case, because they are horrifying, I will not subject you to the pain)

1. John Mayer "Say what you need to say"
Do I really need to explain why this song is horrifying? I believe the song was written for the movie "The Bucket List" and it appears as though John was asked to write a song, given a title, and couldn't come up with any lyrics so he repeats himself a thousand times. Pain. Pure pain.

2. Leona Lewis. "Keep Bleeding"
I think Leona is talking about her bleeding ears after listening to John Mayer Say what he needs to say. Only Leona suffers from the same lyrical constipation and can only repeat the same words over and over.

3. Jordin Sparks. "Tattoo"
"You're on my heart just like a tattoo". Now I am not usually so critical of song lyrics that don't make sense. I am a fan of Corey Hart for crying out loud, so I have tolerance for bad lyrics. The idiot wears his sunglasses at night, but somehow this line by Jordin Sparks -"You're on my heart just like a tattoo" ANNOYS the ink right out of my own tattoos.

4. Anything by Billy Ray Cyrus. The man completely horrifies me.

5. La Bamba. I have nothing else to say about that one.

Thursday, February 12, 2009

Thursday Thirteen: thirteen things I love about my spouse

Today is time for Thursday Thirteen at the same time as it is 12 of 12. How lucky are YOU blog readers to get two posts in one day? Seriously, if you are that lucky, go out and buy yourself a lottery ticket RIGHT NOW. (or just link to other participants HERE)

Since this week is Valentines day, here are 13 things I love about my spouse:

1. She takes awesome photographs. We have a daily photo journal of our lives and I could look at her pictures for days and days. Unfortunately I am in a LOT of photos and I need to take more of her to balance the equation.

2. She has a perspective on the world that is insightful and refreshing. She is a "glass half full" person.

3. She has a great blog, she is an excellent writer and this week she posted one of my all time favorite posts which you can link to here:

4. She is very intelligent and a voracious reader. She is always seeking new information and has a wealth of knowledge.

5. She is amazing with animals. I think you can tell a lot about a person by how they interact with animals and children. Shel is a "feed the animals before you feed yourself" person.

6. She has a wonderful sense of humor and we laugh together. I love the sound of her laughter. We have recently started to watch America's funniest home videos together on Sunday nights and I look forward to this laughing time together.

7. When I am reading and I don't know what a word means, I can ask her and it is quicker than getting out a dictionary.

8. She is amazing with children. Yesterday we went to a new friends house so our kids could play together. The little girl went right up to Shel to talk to her. Kids sense how loving she is and are attracted to her right away. Our kids are completely in love with her - and how could they not be?

9. She is way, way, way more organized than I am. She can get a task done in 1/3 of the time it takes me. She has a way of breaking things down and getting them accomplished while I am still thinking about it. She will say - "You clean the basement because I can get everything done in the time it will take you to do one thing!"

10. She finds the beauty in life. One of the things she blogs about are "three beautiful things". I look forward to this post of hers and I look for beautiful things more because of her. Wherever I am I think "Shel would love this". She also CREATES beauty around her. She attracts things that are beautiful to her. We have a yard full of beautiful birds and the yard and home will look more and more beautiful the more time she has to spend in it. She stops to smell the roses and I am learning to! When we are driving we will stop so she can check something out that she has seen along the way. This is a picture of her "emerging" from an exporation into the woods.

11. She is brave. She will go to the door to look and see what's knocking, while I look for a baseball bat or hide under the covers. She will also rescue me from mice (which she takes outside and frees).

12. We make a great team.

13. She has good taste in women!

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

My Hero

How perfect is that?

dental dams

You may wonder why I am posting so much about dentists recently. Lucky soul that I am, I have had the fortune of seeing my dentist twice this week.

Before I go into the "meat" of this post, I need to make one quick comment. Dental dams should be used for one thing and one thing only. Can I get a "holla" from my lesbian reader?

My appointment this morning was at nine am. I had to drop off the boy at day care and make it to another town in time for this appointment which means I arrived sleep deprived. I sit in the chair and get tipped backwards until my body is almost vertical in the chair with my feet aiming at the sky. The blood is rushing to my brain and I am motion sick (Yes, I get motion sick in dentist chairs). The helper person comes in and puts a q-tip in my mouth with foul tasting junk to numb the spot where I will get a needle. This stuff tastes crappy and the needles still hurt so I don't fully understand it's purpose, but I go with it. Then the dentist comes in, shoves a needle multiple times into the inside of my face and leaves for half an hour. Do they "forget" to put you upright in the chair while they are waiting for the freezing to take effect or is it a dental strategy to leave you upside down?

After the blood has pooled in my brain the dentist returns, asks me to open my mouth and then says "Please move your tongue to the left". O.K. Seriously? I have a hard enough time distinguishing right from left when I am UPRIGHT and there has been no blood pooling in my brain and my body isn't frozen from nipple to hairline. How can one reasonably expect me to move my tongue AT ALL, let alone figure out which way is left? ( It might help if he said move the tongue to starboard!) I try to move my tongue and he puts into my mouth what I refer to as the door stopper. It is a piece of recycled semi tractor tire wedged into the back of your teeth so you can't shut your mouth while he is working, and he says "REST your teeth on this!" REST. My idea of the word REST involves some kind of relaxation. It's hard to REST anything when it is forced open beyond what nature intended.

I have been thinking about this a little more because I am somewhat glad that he gives me a piece of tire to "REST" on. Upside down and frozen makes it very difficult for me to perform simple tasks, like knowing if I am opening wide or clamping down hard. Sometimes if I am thinking about it too hard I end up doing the wrong thing - like clamping - even though I am THINKING "open, open, open". Another simple task I have difficulty with is breathing. I try to breathe through my nose because often the dental dam is restricting airflow or little bone chips are flinging into my throat and I choke. I also gag too easily if I am not concentrating on breathing through my nose. Unfortunately I have to CONCENTRATE on this because apparently the part of my brain responsible for breathing is frozen and/or flooded with blood.

To make this entire concentration process easier I keep my eyes shut through the entire dental experience. I can focus more easily on "open, open, open" and breathing through my nose if I am not looking at the reflection of the interior of my mouth in the dentists glasses or watching pliers and needles and drills being passed across my line of vision. To give a small example of what happens when this delicate balance of eyes closed, breathing, and opening my mouth is disrupted, let me explain what happened this morning.

I had my eyes closed and the dentist spoke to me. I was shocked, because normally he doesn't speak to me at all and my eyes popped open at the sound of his voice. I didn't completely register what he said as my eyes popped open, but as I opened my eyes I saw a PLUME OF SMOKE coming from my mouth. The shock of the plume of smoke made me forget to breathe through my nose and I took a deep breath through my mouth and inhaled a gob of smoke. When I inhaled the gob of smoke I started to choke and clamped down on the recycled tire and tried to sit up. As I tried to sit up the dentist pulled his hand back and removed from my mouth - A SOLDERING IRON. It was then I realized what he said. "I'm just going to cook some CRACK in your mouth, please don't open your eyes or breathe in".

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

ten on tuesday: ten favorite places to shop

I am actually not a great shopper. I like to go in, get what I want and leave - pretty much. I can however spend HOURS upon hours in bookstores, but other than that, shopping has never been a forte of mine.

I like to shop
1. On e-bay
2. At
3. I LOVE looking at catalogues of fun stuff like in the "signals" catalogue, but I have never ordered from there, but that's kinda like window shopping so I am counting it.
4. Bookstores. Preferably ones where you can buy lesbian and gay literature which surprisingly is not easy to find.
5. MICHEALS - for the cross stitch stuff. Actually my FAVORITE place to shop for cross stitch stuff is a place in Ogden Utah called "..... k, I am going to have to remember what it is called, but it was a cross stitch store only and I would sneak in there and think I had died and gone to heaven. ah HAH! Shepherd's Bush.
6. Staples or anywhere that has stationary. Pens and pencils make me happy.
7. Pet stores. I don't particularly like the "pet" purchasing part of pet stores because I think they contribute to puppy mills, AND I think you can do better by getting a pet from a rescue organization, BUT I do like browsing through pet toys and I like taking my pet into a store.
8. Farmer's Markets.
9. Toy stores - not like Toy's R us, but smaller, independent toy stores where the toys may be more expensive but there are cool things to peruse.
10. Cigar shops. Oh the loverely smell of a cigar shop. I think I might start smoking a pipe just for the smell of the pipe tobacco.

I turned into one of "THOSE" parents

I am an "older" parent. By this I mean that my friends all have teenage children and I have toddlers and a baby. I don't mind this because they gives me a wealth of knowledge to glean from, and having young kids keeps me young (unless I am trying to get up off the floor, then I am reminded how old I am!)
What I am finding as I encounter these stages I witnessed my friends going through years ago is that I am turning into one of the parents I made fun of. Yes I know - they are my friends, but I still laughed at them as they went through stages of parenting such as children leaving for school for the first time, or the first night away from the kids and so on.
My friends would say things like "little Johnny went for his first sleep over and grandparents this weekend so we could go on a date and have a night alone. All I could do was think about him all night and I kept calling to see how he was doing. We ended up coming home early to pick him up." I would think to myself, if I didn't say it out loud " OH GET OVER YOURSELF! Go out! Have a date! Forget the kid for a night he'll be there when you get back!"

So yesterday I dropped Max off at his first "official" day of daycare. I said to Shel as i left home that I was excited for him to meet people, have a social experience and expand his little world, but that I hated to be the one to drop him off because of the look of sheer terror in his face and the clinging to me that he inevitably does. I took him inside. It started out exactly as I predicted. He clung to my legs. He didn't want to take his coat off, didn't want to take his boots off, didn't want to put his shoes on and then hid behind my legs. I pried him off me, kissed him and walked out of the room. I paused outside to listen and see how he managed..... there was not a sound! Not a peep! Not a wail! Not a knocking at the door! I was stunned, and I admit it - saddened.

I went about my day, thinking about him all day but refraining from calling. When I went to pick him up he was sure happy to see me but but not happy at all to leave! While I am glad he settled in just fine I have to admit it was difficult for me - obviously more so for me than for him. Wow I have become a sappy parent. At laest I didn't cry . . . .

Let's simplify things

The world we live in is a complex one. Though things like facebook, internet, phones, faxes etc. may make it seem smaller, it is still a complex place. Let's think for a minute about language.
Forget that Ethnologue lists 6912 living languages in the world today, and let's discuss the English language.

I have lived on several continents and travelled all over the world. Travelling from one English speaking country to another, it does not matter that everyone is speaking "supposedly" the same language, there are some stark and confusing differences.

For example: Trunk can mean - part of an elephants anatomy, the back end of a vehicle, someones bum (as in "junk in the trunk"). Scones in England are biscuits in the USA. Biscuits in England are Cookies in the USA. But again, I am looking at this too broadly.

Let's narrow the English language comparison to just WITHIN one country. From East to West, North to South, you can travel within a country without ever crossing an international border and experience hundreds of different dialects, colloquialisms, pronunciations and just plain confusion over words. (remind me sometime to talk about roads, streets, woods, hay and straw - which I learned mean VERY different things in Rural Alberta!)

I think it is time for us to come together, to unite, and to determine that some words should be completely eliminated and other words should become universal.

I think we need to totally eliminate "left and right". "distal", "medial", "proximal", "democrat", republican".... all these are words that people use to mean "left" and "right". I have a proposition to make.

Let's go back to ship talk. That's right, ship talk.

Lengthwise direction on a ship is fore and aft. Crosswise is athwartships. The front of the ship is the bow, and the rearmost is the stern. To move forward toward the bow is to go forward, and to move toward the stern is to go aft. A ship is divided lengthwise in half by the centerline. When you face forward along the centerline, everything to your right is starboard and everything to your left is port. You never go downstairs in a ship -- you go below. To go up is to go topside. But if you climb the mast, stacks, rigging or any other area above the highest solid structure, you are going aloft.

I am going to implement it into my speech immediately and see if it catches on. This could be revolutionary.

Monday, February 9, 2009

speaking in code

Dentists go to school for a lot of years in order to become dentists.

I think part of the time they spend in school is spent leaning to speak in crazy code. I say this because I have just spent two hours sitting in a dentist chair listening to this code. I don't think they want you to know what they are doing, and I also think that they need to talk in code so they can say things about you that you don't understand. I have heard before that police, coroners, and others with highly stressful jobs have a real morbid sense of humor so that they can deal with the horrors they deal with each day. I think this is the same for dentists. Who would want to sit in a chair, hunched over someone with rotten teeth and foul breath? We all know we don't go to the dentist when we are feeling particularly fresh. I only go when my face is about to fall off from pain. This pain is usually caused by some kind of infection. If you have ever happened to accidentally encounter infection in your life and smell it - it smells BAD.
So the dentists, as a way to deal with the atrocities they encounter daily, have come up with a code so you don't sit in the chair and hear them say things like " This fat cow can't even floss between her back teeth. Look at the size of this hunk of meat that just crawled out on it's own legs? It's green for heaven's sake!" What YOU hear is this: "The angle of the Armamentarium is preventing my view of the Interproximal stripping. Can you see the periapical from where you are? We are going to need to curitage the caries. I'm just going to have you backpack the DM of the 3 LMNOP."
It may work for some people, this charade of "dentist speak", but I have an online dentist dictionary and a great memory. I come right home and look that stuff up. I know you are talking about me over my lap!

Saturday, February 7, 2009

Bad Week

This has been a really bad week. BAD.

Both vehicles were broken down. This is a HUGE complication in the lives of people who live out of town and who have two small children. It was hard enough trying to juggle life with only one vehicle operational, but without either of them our lives almost came to a horrible crunching halt.
I know there are all kinds of reasons that we SHOULDN'T have two vehicles, all of them having to do with our carbon footprint etc. However, I am completely comfortable that we compensate for the carbon footprint of having two vehicles in other ways we choose to live our lives.
We NEED our cars. Not having them completely cuts us off from the world, including my place of employment.I
Having said that, I wish I had been more cut off from my place of employment this week. It was one of the most painful weeks I have endured in a LONG time and unfortunately I believe we have only just begun in terms of stress and the accompanying "pissing contests" which began this week.
I like where I work. I like who I work with. I HATE that my department is viewed constantly as the "throw away" area. People from other departments are rude to us. They ignore us, take advantage of us and like to boss us around. At one time I thought it was because I was a woman and my boss was a woman. Then I thought maybe it was because I was a lesbian. THEN I thought it was because my next boss was new and we were both 'outsiders". But now I am simply tired of it and I HOPE against hope that this next transition (the second we have been though) will make a difference in how we are treated. There is no reason for others to act this way towards us. We are professional. We are good at what we do. We work hard. At the end of it all I am ready to proceed to MAKE this an issue. If I have to go to Human resources, then I will. If I have to go to the president, then I will.
People need to STEP OFF and let us do our job.

Thursday, February 5, 2009

thursday thirteen: things I do when I am stressed

There is a new Thursday thirteen blog out there (link here) and I'm giving the topic another shot.
Here are thirteen "things" I do when I am stressed. I have to say that I am not easily stressed, it takes a lot - especially at work - to get me stressed.

1. Hold my breath. I don't realize I am doing it until my chest hurts, and once I DO realize it I stop, but it's one of the first signs to me that I am under stress.

2. Furrow my brow. This one makes me laugh because I don't even know I am doing it and Shel and friends who know me well will point it out. "Uh oh, there's a crease in your head!"

3. I say stupid things. I don't ALWAYS say stupid things but today I was stressed and I heard the words coming out of my mouth and regretted them as they were spilling out. My spouse said she was going to shave her legs and I said "hurry up". DUMB DUMB DUMB. I could also tell I made her mad because she turned and shut the door without another word, but I ALREADY knew it was dumb. WHOOPS!

4. I fall into old habits - like obsessing about time - when it does no good at all. How does being obsessed about time reduce stress? It doesn't. You heard it here folks.

5. Drink coke. I have done REALLY well at reducing my coke intake and then today I think I drank 8 cans. I certainly drank enough to make my hands shake.

6. Forget to eat. This is bad news because stress + low blood sugar = calamity

7. Write emotional responses to emails. The GOOD thing is that I have learned not to SEND the emails I have written until later when I have read them over and can edit out where I call people idiots and say they are stupid.

8. Call my spouse. If there is anyone in the world who can sense my frustration and remind to me breathe, eat and NOT send my e-mails it is my spouse.

9. I believe I have ADD. It is and has always been very difficult for me to focus completely on one thing exclusively. I have turned this into a strength over the years and you would be amazed at how many things I can pay attention to atll at once. My lack of focus I have been able to turn into focus of many things concurrently. When I am stressed, and also when I am mad, I can LITERALLY see only in tunnel vision. My peripheral vision gets black and I become virtually incapable of focusing on more than one thing at a time. When this vision thing happens to me sometimes it is the first trigger to me to let me know something is happening in my world that is making me mad. Interesting little story here. I had a phone conversation with my brother Justin when I was telling him that I was gay. I waited the longest to tell Justin, which he has expressed sadness over, but in my mind he was the person I wanted to "lose" the least and so I put off telling him the longest. in the phone conversation with him I was obviously very stressed and I was plying a handheld game of tetris. I was so intensely focussed on that game to the exclusion of everything around me and so "frantic" (which I comment on in #13) that I scored the highest I have ever scored before or since that time.

10. I tense up. I'm pretty sure it happens to everyone under stress. Sometimes I only feel this long after the stress is over, like the next morning when I can barely move.

11. Pick.

12. Get Loud. I have never done "quiet". I have been accused of being loud since I was very small and sometimes people have even told me to 'Shush' when I am in a group - which is both annoying and embarrassing. When I am stressed I can hear my volume increase.

13. My overall "speed" increases. I become almost frantic in the pace of doing things. I type faster, I walk faster, I drive faster etc. etc. This is different than my obsession with time.

letter to Max 28 months

Dear Max,

Wow growing boy, you are getting so TALL and so grown up! You need a haircut for sure, but I think we may take you to a professional and forego the home hair cuts we have attempted futilely in the past. (is that a word I wonder?)

You are such a little helper and you love to shovel snow. When the weather is good you will put on my boots and just walk outside to get to work. Your mom is worried you will wander away and wants me to put locks on the doors up high to keep you inside and where she can see you until you go out together, but I am hoping you will gets lots done in the yard and don't think you will go far at all.

We have discovered you are afraid of the dark and since we don't have baby gates for every area of the house we find that turning lights off can really keep you contained. I think we are in for it in June when the sun doesn't set :)

You have a sense of humor that just doesn't quit. You love to laugh, giggle, tease and you think it is your ticket out of any potential trouble that you may be getting into. You are so great with your little brother. He loves to watch you and could watch you all day long. You smile and laugh with him and he grins from ear to ear. Every now and then you even stop long enough to rub his head, but it is still a little early for you to share your Vegemite with him!

We finally got batteries for the remote control car we got you and it is a HIT. You came downstairs immediately and picked it up to play with it. it always makes me laugh what you like and don't like. As long as you are controlling the car you think it is great and you often ask me to control it. When I am controlling it you seem a bit scared of it and we had some fun last night chasing you back and forth with it!

I was looking at you in the car seat as we were driving today and you are growing so tall. I can't believe how much of a boy you are now and I love you more every day.

This week you were feeling rotten one day and came down from your nap and nuzzled into my arms. I could hold you forever, but the opportunities are rare so I cherish every one of them.

Rest your head close to my heart, never to part, baby of mine.


letter to c-note 7 months

Dear Little C-note,

I cannot believe you have been with us already for seven months. You are growing like a weed and we love it. We went for your check up with the doctor and you are in the 10th percentile for height and the 75th percentile for weight. This is a HUGE improvement from the 5th percentile you came home in. Unfortunately when the two are combined (height and weight) you are one chubby little fella. I never thought "chubby" would be a word used to describe you.

I had to take you into town for your shots, which I hate for two reasons. Number one, I hate seeing you in pain and man did you ever scream. I have never heard you scream like that. Number 2, I am not good with needles. Trying to hold you and avoid seeing the needle is a little awkward. It is equally embarrassing to be asked by the child health nurse if I need to lay down after YOUR shots!

We are working on trying to get you onto solid food and have been trying for a month. You seemed so ready for the leap from formula, you looked at us with great interest whenever we ate anything. When we finally did try to feed you rice cereal you looked at us like we were some kind of fools. This is NOT what you have been watching us eat and it is YUKKY! Your facial expressions are classic.

Still no sign of teeth from you and your mom and I have a feeling that when they finally decide to show they will arrive with fury. Everything else for you has seemed so easy compared to your big brother Max, but he already had seven teeth when he was your age and teething for him was probably the easiest thing he did in the first seven months of his life. I fear the same cannot be said for you.

You recognise everyone in the family now and you have huge smiles for us all, including the pets. I love coming home and seeing your reaction to me walking into the room. You are much more itnerested in the television (which some parents would think was terrible, but I am ecstatic - FINALLY a tv watching companion for me!)

I love you little man.


Wednesday, February 4, 2009

Tuesday, February 3, 2009

ten on tuesday; ten favorite childrens movies

This week the topic for ten on tuesday is ten favorite childrens movies. I have been fighting with my computer to try and get photos for these movies and so far I am being outsmarted by the computer. Never to give up a fight easily I am starting over AGAIN with my movies. Since I am a lover of allt hings movie related I made two lists. One list is exclusively animated, the other is non-animated.

1. Dumbo

2. Nemo

3. Monsters Inc.

4. The Bee Movie

5. Shrek (s)

6. Robin Hood

7. AntZ

8. Jungle Book

9. Ice Age (s)

10. Robots

And for non-animated movies:

1. Princess Bride

2. Oliver (the musical)

3. Mrs. Doubtfire

4. Mary Poppins

5. The King and I

6. Sound of Music

7. Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the witch and the wardrobe.

8. LadyHawke

9. Chitty Chitty Bang Bang

10. Transformers (2007)

Monday, February 2, 2009


Come, cuddle your head on my shoulder, dear, your head like the golden-rod, and we will go sailing away from here to the beautiful land of Nod.
— Ella Wheeler Wilcox

When my family moved across the country (from Alberta to Nova Scotia) my dad drove a U-haul and my mother followed with a vehicle with four young children. As a way to occupy the oldest of us she had us memorize scriptures or poetry and paid us nickels, dimes or quarters depending on the length and difficulty of what we memorized. One of the poems I memorized was Wynken, Blynken and Nod. The above quote comes from that poem.

Since having kids in the house we are seriously sleep deprived. The baby is almost sleeping through the night but Max has night terrors and is awake a lot during the night. What we have learned is that you can't "make up" for lost sleep. If that were the case I would need to sleep for years. With the new baby I have been taking turns staying up with him, but with Max my spouse pretty much did it all. So if I need to sleep for years, then my spouse needs to sleep for decades.

I just don't know if there are words to describe the bone numbing exhaustion I am feeling.

Last night circumstances dictated such that I COULD have gone to be early and slept uninterrupted. Of course as soon as the opportunity provides itself for sleep do you think it is possible for me to go there? Oh HELL no. I lay in bed unable to turn off my mind and slept for less than 7 hours and here I am back at work.

I think my brain is going to crack.