Wednesday, April 8, 2020

She walked away

I signed up for a writing class which started this week. Each week we are given some prompts to write about. I want to write. I love to write, but I have been struggling for years to write again.
I finally picked up a pen and paper and did it tonight.
I'm really stepping out of my comfort zone here. I can do this!

Here is what I came up with for assignment one.

At age 21 I worked overnight in a bakery. She would call me at 3 am to talk to me while I was on break. After work I would drive my mom's minivan to her apartment to hang out with her while she got ready for her day. I looked forward to talking to her nightly, and to seeing her every day.

in the morning she would invite me into the bathroom to talk to her, then one day undressed in front of me and climbed into the shower. I'd never seen a woman naked. I was equal parts captivated and scared. Why did I feel the way that I did? Why did I crave her voice on the phone and the image of her body through the fog on the shower door.

After she left for the day I would lay in her bed and breathe deep the scent of her. And want. And want.

One morning she got the call that she was being transferred to another area. We knew it was going to happen at some point but I wasn't prepared when the call came.

I stood in the kitchen as everything was carried up the stairs and into the van. The lump in my throat made it impossible to talk. The driver was waiting for her in the car. We stood looking at each other for a moment, my eyes full of tears, my heart broken. Stepping towards me she took my face in her hands and bending forward pressed her lips against mine.

I'd never been kissed before by a woman. Never felt the feelings exploding in my body and in my brain. In that instant my entire world changed.

She dropped her hands from my face, turned, and walked away.

Sunday, April 5, 2020

Trying to find a new normal

It's April 5.
There are now 1075 cases of confirmed Covid-19 in Alberta.
One of the deaths in Alberta was a woman in her 20's. That really worries me because I have COPD and if I get sick it can get bad really quickly. This virus is not just affecting the elderly.
It's the end of the second week since school was cancelled and I have been working at home.
I'm finding it really difficult to get into a routine with the boys home and having to work my same hours.
I feel like all I am doing is working and cleaning up after C.
The furnace is somewhat fixed - at least we don't have to have space heaters to heat the house. That is one less thing for me to worry about.
It's crazy how this whole thing is really affecting peoples mental health. We are so lucky to be able to connect with social media. I can't imagine what this whole thing would be like if we weren't able to connect at all.
I had such a clear plan of how this was going to look and it doesn't resemble that plan at all. Time for me to rethink what this "new normal" is going to look like.

Wednesday, April 1, 2020

Upside Down - not pineapple cake

The whole world is upside down. The price of a barrel of oil has absolutely tanked. Schools are cancelled and the Education Minister in Alberta fired 20 000 Educational support staff - then the Premier of Alberta defended her decision and blamed it on the chief medical officer. He is a complete and total idiot. (The chief medical officer Dr. Hinshaw has been doing a PHENOMENAL job of dealing with this crisis in the province.)
I am lucky to be working from home, still making an income and able to be with the kids since there is no school. I feel like I should be more grateful but I am crazy stressed. Each day is a roller coaster emotional ride.
The furnace went out. We have been trying to heat the house with space heaters until the furnace can be fixed, but we can only have three space heaters going or the breakers trip. It has been storming, snowing and blowing, and we are snowed in. I have food and no reason to leave the house, but not being able to leave has a different feeling than being able to leave and choosing not to.
I have internet. I am able to be in contact with friends and family. I am able to get my work completed every day.
My list of things that I want to accomplish in the house is getting longer and longer. I feel like I am falling further and further behind.
I just feel completely disorganized and detached.