I feel as though life right now is a bit of a broken record.
We still have no idea what is happening with the adoptions.
We are still stressed and trying to handle our stress the best we can without impacting our boys who are emotion amplifiers. Neither one of them sleeps well at the BEST of times and when they pick up on our stress then fagettaboutit. Sleep is NOT happening in our home.
We met last week with two managers who heard our story and I will admit - we did a good job of telling it - but they heard about our "case", not about our "family".
It frustrates me to NO end that decisions can be made "in the best interest of the child" based on what people see written on paper, in a file. They see reports, made by people who OCCASIONALLY see us, and infrequently see the kids.
Managers say things to us like "two years is not significant bonding for a child considering the length of his life" and "they are not related by blood and so they are not bonded to one another". These are boys who have been with us since birth and know NO other family.
I wish that these people could see our lives. The lives of the boys whom we love with all our hearts, mights, minds and strengths. The boys who SQUEAL when I walk into the room when I get home from work, and who quiver with excitement at being picked up. I wish they could hear my son; my non-verbal, profoundly hearing impaired son say "momma" when I ask him who loves him.
They will decide the fate of our family over a desk. In a conference room. Maybe tired, maybe having read a multitude of files before they get to ours. They don't know us or anything about us and they hold our lives in their hands - and we wait.