Bullet Sunday #3

• BIRTHDAY PARTY. Today we celebrated my son's 2nd birthday. He actually turned two a few months ago but with school and then illnesses and everything else that has piled up on us we have not had a party for him. We rented the pool and invited some friends. Not everyone we invited was able to make it but we had a small group of good friends stop in and we had a good day. I don't think Max knew that the day was all about him, but I think he had a good time as well. He makes me laugh because I know he is not genetically "our's" but he has spent all of his life with us and he approaches the world in ways he has seen us do. Getting into the hot tub today was like watching a mirror of my spousal unit. He is not a dare devil at ALL - in spite of me trying to model that for him!

• COMPARISON PARENTING. I don't know if it is because of the holidays or what it is but I am feeling nostalgic and missing my mom. It's hard for me now that I am a mother because I find myself more and more comparing everything I do to my own mom. I seem to fall short over and over when I hold myself to the standard she set. Today we had a good time. I managed to plan far enough ahead to get food, table cloths, drinks, bowls, plates, etc... I even managed to get them to follow a theme. Still I think if my mom had been here it would have been 10 times better and seemed 10 times easier. I wish she was here to share in the lives of her grandchildren. I think about her in everything I do. Max and I were in the walk on water ball and I thought " If my mom was here she would do this". Then I was swinging on the rope swing and I thought " If my mom was here she would do this". I'm glad we did those things so Max will carry the memories of us doing them with him, but I have a lot of improving to do if I am to be in any way the kind of mother to him that my mom was to me.