Thursday, February 28, 2008

Thursday Feb 28

Shel is in the hospital. She was admitted yesterday for what the doc said was an acute cardiac event (I think?) My brain seems to not be functioning well and I am not remembering critical information. (I also forgot to take M's Epi pen to the babysitter).

While I am worried for Shel I am relieved (?) that the doc saw she needed to have some kind of intervention for her blood pressure and admitted her to the hospital. I hope this will bring some answers to the medical problems she has been facing and she will see some improvements in how she feels as a result of all this.

I am somewhat of a workaholic. Under the best of circumstances I can easily work too much, too long and sacrifice family time and personal time for work. It is something I have always done and in times of stress I seem to do it more. I don't know what it is about sitting in a hospital room that makes me want to run to work. Yes, to work. Maybe it is getting lost in the familiar? A distraction? Feeling as if I have control over something? Feeling as though I am accomplishing something? Since sitting in a hospital room I don't feel any of those things.

This morning I got a call from one of the ladies whom I supervise and she called to say she was unable to cover her shift today because she had a medical appointment. Here I sit covering her shift. I don't know why, in my head, my medical emergency is less important than her medical appointment, or if I just need an excuse to say " I HAVE to be at work today ..." really I need no excuse. Even if I don't like the things that are happening at work I get some kind of sick comfort out of it. The same can be said for school. I feel like I HAVE to be there. I let my group and teacher know I would not be in GP for the Friday portion of my class. Missing class gives me anxiety, I am trying to convince myself I am NOT "needed" there and that I won't miss anything critical.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

How important was Shel's? medical emergency? While you worked?