Shel is in the hospital. She was admitted yesterday for what the doc said was an acute cardiac event (I think?) My brain seems to not be functioning well and I am not remembering critical information. (I also forgot to take M's Epi pen to the babysitter).
While I am worried for Shel I am relieved (?) that the doc saw she needed to have some kind of intervention for her blood pressure and admitted her to the hospital. I hope this will bring some answers to the medical problems she has been facing and she will see some improvements in how she feels as a result of all this.
I am somewhat of a workaholic. Under the best of circumstances I can easily work too much, too long and sacrifice family time and personal time for work. It is something I have always done and in times of stress I seem to do it more. I don't know what it is about sitting in a hospital room that makes me want to run to work. Yes, to work. Maybe it is getting lost in the familiar? A distraction? Feeling as if I have control over something? Feeling as though I am accomplishing something? Since sitting in a hospital room I don't feel any of those things.
This morning I got a call from one of the ladies whom I supervise and she called to say she was unable to cover her shift today because she had a medical appointment. Here I sit covering her shift. I don't know why, in my head, my medical emergency is less important than her medical appointment, or if I just need an excuse to say " I HAVE to be at work today ..." really I need no excuse. Even if I don't like the things that are happening at work I get some kind of sick comfort out of it. The same can be said for school. I feel like I HAVE to be there. I let my group and teacher know I would not be in GP for the Friday portion of my class. Missing class gives me anxiety, I am trying to convince myself I am NOT "needed" there and that I won't miss anything critical.