“We have all hurt someone tremendously, whether by intent or accident. We have all loved someone tremendously, whether by intent or accident. It is an intrinsic human trait, and a deep responsibility, I think, to be an organ and a blade. But, learning to forgive ourselves and others because we have not chosen wisely is what makes us most human. We make horrible mistakes. It’s how we learn. We breathe love. It’s how we learn. And it is inevitable."I read this quote yesterday (on facebook of all places) and it really has me thinking. I know that I have been both and organ and a blade. I would hate to be judged in my entirety by my worst moments and by the pain I have caused others. I know I have struggled with the understanding of some of the pain I have created for others and it is a constant journey to accept myself with a clear vision of the roles I have played both positively and negatively in the lives of others. Having said that, I am really struggling in my relationship with my dad. I know I am judging him for what I consider to be one of his worst moments (but perhaps this is also only my interpretation). I am not finding it easy to forgive and I am not breathing love.
There are so many things happening in our lives right now that I feel as though the energy I am spending on being hurt/angry/betrayed by my dad is energy that I need for other things. I need to breathe more love.Under “normal” circumstances I would not write on my blog about something that is so intensely personal. I feel as though I have moved away from the things that I used to use to “process” my thoughts and I am trying to find my way back to some of them – writing was something I used a lot in the past. And have not done for a very long time. I am hoping that putting this down in written form will help me begin to work it out.
This life is such a balancing act isn’t it?