I will not regret this

Quote by Anna Quindlen:

“The biggest mistake I made as a parent is the one that most of us make. I did not live in the moment enough. This is particularly clear now that the moment is gone, captured only in photographs. There is one picture of my three children sitting in the grass on a quilt in the shadow of the swing set on a summer day, ages six, four, and one. I wish I could remember what we ate, and what we talked about, and how they sounded, and how they looked when they slept that night. I wish I had not been in such a hurry to get on to the next thing: dinner, bath, book, bed. I wish I had treasured the doing a little more and the getting it done a little less.”

I absolutely love our boys. I love them more than I knew love was possible before having them. I had heard people say that having kids changed your life and I "knew" it in an intellectual way - I didn't know it in a "heart" way.

There are a million ways in which I feel as though I "fail" as a mother, but there is ONE way that I do NOT fail ..... I live in every moment with my boys. Here are a few moments from the last day or so:

Yesterday I had to travel to pick up some stuff for work. I took Max with me. While we were in the store picking up the stuff we heard a train whistle. I knew he had never seen a train go by and so we left the store and stood hand in hand and watched the train as it passed. I knew the stuff I needed to pickup would still be there when the train passed, but the chance to stand and watch the train with my boy might not come again anytime soon.

As we drove there was a semi in front of us hauling what Max calls an "earth mover" and he wanted to get closer to it for a better view. He said to me "Go faster mom". I responded "I am going faster" to which he replied "Why?" He makes me laugh every day.


Our house is insanely hot. I have had some trouble breathing at night and so in the middle of the night I have been going downstairs to sleep. Last night Max came into our bedroom and inquired as to where I was. When he discovered I was downstairs he came down and woke me up. "Move over mom" he said. I moved. He lay down next to me and put his head on my arm. "Move your arm mom" he said. "I can't move my arm, it is attached to my body" I replied. "Oh. OK" he said and rolled over and went to sleep.

My baby boy is really attached to me for some reason. I'm not being facetious, for some reason he is really bonded to me and he HATES when I leave for work in the morning. He clings to me and does not want my spousal unit to take him away. I should be used to it by now and I should just peel him off and walk out the door, but I love him. I love how he smells. I love how he rests his head on my shoulder and I KNOW he will not always want to cling to me or hate to see me go to work. We have managed to work out that when I leave Shel will take him to the front door and he will wave as we drive away. He has the CUTEST wave and I love to watch him wave to me every morning.

The last thing we do at night before bed - after supper, after baths and pajamas - is sit together in the rocking chair and watch treehouse for 15 minutes. I LOVE this time of day and not just because the day is over! I love having the boys on my lap. I love snuggling with them. I love just loving them.