Wednesday, September 9, 2009

Final countdown

We are in the hotel room, Maxie is tucked away and actually sleeping. In less than 6 hours we have to be up and at em and on our way to check in at the hospital. We had a great drive down and he was super in the vehicle and had a blast in the hotel room for a good three hours before he crashed finally on the bed. This is the first time he has slept on a "real" bed so I hope we make it through the night without picking him up from between the wall and the mattress!

I said to my spouse on the way down here tonight that I am really feeling "OLD". I have face wrinkles (which she laughed at me for) and this summer I got a crack in one heel wearing my Birkenstocks all summer (which she scoffed at me for because she gets horribly cracked heels and cares for her feet endlessly and I do absolutely nothing to my feet and I had a teeny crack which is already gone), but mostly I feel "parenty" -- which to me feels like what "old" is.. I have been absolutely sick to my stomach all day worrying over this surgery for my man tomorrow. When i took the baby to the babysitter I felt guilty leaving him - not because I don't trust the babysitter, but because I want to be with him all the time. I am shocked at myself a bit over the "parenty" feelings - not because I don't love my kids, but because I never pictured myself as a worrier parent, but just a fun, happy go lucky, live and let live parent, and I'm turning into a bit of a "concerned" parent. (I always thought concerned parents needed to "let go" a little!)

I hope I can get some sleep tonight because heaven only knows there are not enough fields in all of farmtown to keep my mind off my boy if I am up all night.