Don't it always seem to go that you don't know what you've got till its gone...

As I drove down the road today and approached the house my heart just dropped to the pit of my stomach. The farmer who purchased the land surrounding us has proceeded with his plans to remove the trees. This has left our home completely visible to the road. Anyone driving south down the dirt road can can now see DIRECTLY into our yard.
I am absolutely devestated. I suppose we never ever should have purchased a property without being fully aware that we had no control over the land that wasn't ours.
In addition to having our home now completely exposed to the road - and being so visible - the trees provided a natural wind break from the winds coming from the north. So now we are also exposed to the wind.
I am so very sad. Now even the place that I come to "escape" has been laid bare. Decimated. (the photo is not the FINAL result of tree removal.. I still need to find a good one to upload)

end of September

I cannot BELIEVE that it is the end of September. With every passing day I feel as though I am in some kind of time warp that is jetting me into the future and that I am moving faster and faster.
I have so many things to write about I almost think it would be better to wipe the slate clean and start over than to try to go back to capture some of the things that have passed... we shall see.

Final countdown

We are in the hotel room, Maxie is tucked away and actually sleeping. In less than 6 hours we have to be up and at em and on our way to check in at the hospital. We had a great drive down and he was super in the vehicle and had a blast in the hotel room for a good three hours before he crashed finally on the bed. This is the first time he has slept on a "real" bed so I hope we make it through the night without picking him up from between the wall and the mattress!

I said to my spouse on the way down here tonight that I am really feeling "OLD". I have face wrinkles (which she laughed at me for) and this summer I got a crack in one heel wearing my Birkenstocks all summer (which she scoffed at me for because she gets horribly cracked heels and cares for her feet endlessly and I do absolutely nothing to my feet and I had a teeny crack which is already gone), but mostly I feel "parenty" -- which to me feels like what "old" is.. I have been absolutely sick to my stomach all day worrying over this surgery for my man tomorrow. When i took the baby to the babysitter I felt guilty leaving him - not because I don't trust the babysitter, but because I want to be with him all the time. I am shocked at myself a bit over the "parenty" feelings - not because I don't love my kids, but because I never pictured myself as a worrier parent, but just a fun, happy go lucky, live and let live parent, and I'm turning into a bit of a "concerned" parent. (I always thought concerned parents needed to "let go" a little!)

I hope I can get some sleep tonight because heaven only knows there are not enough fields in all of farmtown to keep my mind off my boy if I am up all night.

Lending a helping hand

My little sister is away on a mission. Our communication with her is very limited - no phone calls or tweets, facebook updates or text messages.

In an email this week to my parents (she can write a letter once a week) she asked my mom for some help to get her transcripts from a university in Canada to one in the USA ... by THIS Friday.

My mom is in South Africa so making the calls for her is difficult. I offered to lend a helping hand.

Holy smokes, I might have to cut off my hand and send it in so they can verify my fingeprints are from MY hand in the process. There are SO many hoops to jump through to get a copy of ones grades sent from one university to another.

This is something I don't completely understand and perhaps someone out there can explain it to me.

I am calling on my sisters behalf and requesting for her transcripts to be sent from one educational institution to another. I am not asking for a copy of them myself. I have to have a letter from my sister, with her signature, telling the institution that I am permitted to request this on her behalf. DO they have my sister's signature on file that they will compare them? And what if she is sleepy or cut her finger and her signature doesn't match? What if she is trying out a "new" signature?

I'm thinking if I could GET such a letter from my sister, wouldn't she be calling for the grades herself? Or faxing in the request for transcript herself?

And call me crazy, but let's just say I was messing with someone. Would I call and request a transcript of their grades sent to another institution? Would that just REALLY mess with them?

What is so secretive about grades? Maybe if I REALLY wanted to mess with someone I would request their transcripts be sent to me and then I would take a real embarrassing grade, like a "C" in math and then I would pay for a HUGE billboard somewhere like Times square and have it say .... SO AND SO GOT A "C" in college math. Would that EVER mess with their life. They might lose their job or something over it. Or their girlfriend would totally break up with them. Or they might be denied that loan......

Who knew grades were so important...

Surgery in three days

I would be totally lying if I said I was anything other than COMPLETELY nervous about this surgery. On the one hand I hate that I can't explain anything to my boy so that he knows what to expect. There's no doubt in my mind he COULD understand if there was a way to communicate it to him, but the rudimentary signing we are doing with him just isn't cutting it for communication between us.
That's the other reason I am so nervous. This could be the break through we have been waiting for in his understanding language and learning to speak, but it could also be just the beginning of something much longer and more complex.
I SOOO SOOO SOOO much want for him to wake up from this surgery and have a whole new world open to him, but the reality is that IF the surgery works at all and IF he wakes up and is able to hear, what he experiences could possibly be overwhelming and terrifying to him.
I want for this day to be the solution to the communication problems we are having, but it's not like he will wake up and all of a sudden start talking -and if he CAN hear - the things he hears will be like nothing he has ever heard before, and so in many was he will be just like a baby hearing things for the first time. He has this surgery and turns three with a few weeks of one another, there's a lot happening in his world right now. He is recently blossoming into a gentle and happy and funny kid and this could take us backwards in his development before it takes us forward.
I know I need to be patient. I know I need to be calm and mellow and able to offer him the safe place he will likely need when he wakes up and (hopefully) can hear.... I am just so afraid of wanting too much.

Monthly Review of August

My month of August in review:
1) Photo of me: ( I am in this picture!)

2) Current candle scents: I splurged and got a new candle which is lit right now in the office but I am sneezing up a storm. I think I am allergic to the perfume in it - it is lovely though. It is sugared plums and a pretty purple colour.

3) What I am currently reading: I have just finished a book by Jeffrey Archer entitled "Prisoner of Birth" which I LOVED. I am a huge fan of Jeffrey Archer I recently decided.

4) Newest music I added to my playlist: new Indigo Girls CD which I have to order online because apparently no-one in Northern Alberta has ever heard of them. FOR SHAME.

5) Movies I saw: I didn't see any movies in August. Nope. Not one.

6) Something yummy I made this month: I didn't make anything spectacular this month. I need to step up in September and make something good.

7) The last place I ate out: A and W, only because they are the only fast food place in the town, not because I particularly like them. I asked for a teen burger with no onion but I think she requested EXTRA onion. raw onion - gag.

8.) Something that made me cry: When the BBQ rolled over my foot (and by BBQ I mean HUGE school BBQ) I think I shed a tear or two.

9) Something that made me laugh or gasp: I laughed with Max this month and we tickled and chased one another in the yard.

10) Something I looked forward to this month: I looked forward to school starting.

11) Something I am thankful for: My family.

12) Something I want to remember about this month: Max was running through the hallway and he knocked a large book off the shelf and onto his foot. My spouse asked him if he was ok and if he needed a kiss. He brought the book over for her to kiss.

13) A photo I took this month: Playing in the dirt pile.