Wednesday, July 18, 2012

working on my grad project

I have ALWAYS loved school. I am kind of a geek in that way. I love choosing classes, buying books and school supplies, going to class, writing papers, taking tests. I love it all!
I used to say that if I ever came into boat loads of giraffe money that I would be a full time professional student. USED to say. I signed up for a graduate program that was offered locally in the evenings and on the weekends. I went to all the classes. I did all the projects. I loved it.
I chose to write a thesis instead of taking the comprehensive final exam. At the time I thought that writing a thesis would keep more doors open for me if I ever decided to go back to school for a doctorate degree, which at one time was my dream.
Now I think it was one of the biggest mistakes I ever made. My entire class has graduated. I am still here, still not working on anyhing and almost crippled by this BIZARRE anxiety that I have never known or wished to know.
I thought I had put it off for too long without any movement on it that I had basically shot my chances of finishing all to hell. Come to find out my chance is not gone. I nEED to finish. I WANT to finish.  I have straightened things out and I am supposedly back to working on this project so I can graduate. Here I am, all things with the school sorted, my advisor standing by willing and more that ready to help me, and I have this damn eye twitching, heart racing anxiety again, coupled with a complete inability to move forward on anything. What the HELLFIRE is happening to me?


Teena in Toronto said...

I've always loved school too! But I find that my attention span is soooo slim. I've been doing a financial course ... it's at an home course. You read the text book and then go write the exam. I enrolled in September 2010 and it ran out a year later. So I paid $$ to have it extended for another year. I called this week and can't extend again ... so I have to write the exam before the end of September. Needless to say, I'm studying. Ha!

Anonymous said...

Writer's block! It happens to writers. :). So just begin writing. About anything. Keep writing. Keep writing. There you go. Starting to feel a little better, aren't you? Keep writing ... ... ...