Letter from Max

Yesterday when I went to pick up the mail there was an envelope addressed to Shel and I.

I recognized the handwriting as Maxies.

He went on a class trip to the post office and sent us a letter.

Inside was a valentine for us.

I LOVE being a parent.

So much has happened, culminating in a visit to the ER!

It's been a while since we spent a day in the emergency room but our track record ended yesterday when CJ fell through a window pane and cut his knee badly.
He was outside and in his Ski pants AND pants and was cut through both of them. My poor little guy was a real trouper though. AS we sat in the hospital waiting for the doctor he played games on my phone. He REALLY wants a motorcycle, but the time to try and convince Shel of that was NOT while we were waiting to get him stitched up!
I must say that the WORST part of parenting has to be seeing your kids in pain. I held him while the doc was putting in the freezing and he SCREAMED. He was looking at me with these HUGE crocodile tears streaming down his face. I was just holding him saying "Sorry buddy, sorry buddy, it will stop hurting soon."
This morning he said his knee was "good" and Max was following him around telling him not to run, so he will be well looked after these next two weeks as we wait for stitches to be removed.

making a rink

It's shameful I know, we live in the Great White North and our boys don't know how to skate. Give me SOME slack - neither Shel nor I skate either!

We have in our yard a dugout. A perfect place to teach the boys to skate. It does take some work to maintain an outdoor rink though you know. It isn't as easy as opening a tap and letting water flood the yard. (and I dont know how people do that anyway, I am terrified of pipes freezing)

I decided this year that I need to teach the boys how to skate and since we have our own pond we have the perfect opportunity to do it right in our own yard.

When I got home from work the other evening I thought we would clear off a spot and then this weekend get some skates for the boys. Clearing a spot would have been made easier if I had two things - a shovel for myself (we have one shovel but Max is apparently the "boss" of it and so he would not let me shovel more than one row at a time) and easier access to some water - because even a pond does not have perfect ice beneath the snow. I have a feeling I will know more about pond ice by the end of the winter than I ever thought I would know.

The weather has has been REALLY mild lately, so I also hope it stays cold enough to get some skating done before the ice melts.



family photo day

It is shameful but true, we have no family photos of us all together since CJ was born. We have planned for it, and in the life I dreamed for myself we had family photos often and they are all cool and fun and funky. In real life it is rare that all four of us make it into one frame all at the same time. It is even HARDER now because apparently at age five Max is TOO COOL to pose for a photo at all, let alone WITH people.

My mom is headed to Africa this week. She and her sisters will be visiting family in South Africa at the end of their humanitarian trip and they have put together a family tree - with a photo - of everyone on my grandmothers side of the family for my grand mothers brother. My mom took a photo of it and sent it to us and I was looking at it on my phone (its VERY COOL) and noticed that the pictures of MAx and CJ were actually just CJ. Once as a baby and one recent. I called my mom to make the change asap and we went into rapid fire photo and emailing sessions. I took a photo of Max and it was too big, so took another and sent that. Then she asked for a family photo (which we don't have) so we sat on the floor in our living room and had Max's friend who was staying over take photos with Shel's i-phone. We had to get him to take about 12 - some had people cut off and others were blurry and in the end we got two nice ones. This one I just posted is a little blurry, but it is a photo of all of us! It is nice to have one and we have now resolved to actually MAKE (and keep) an appointment with a photographer to get some nice family photos.



remind me why we do this again?

This weekend we had a foster girl from another foster home come to us for respite. We are STILL not "open" as a foster home, but respite providers do not have to be open foster homes. The little girl is a one year old who is cute as a button but TOTALLY different from our boys. She is quiet! She slept through the night! She is adorable and in love with the boys and they are just as "taken" with her.

Here's the thing with fostering. It is a HUGE PAIN! Don't get me wrong. I have loved the children who have come into our home. We have given our hearts and souls to the kids who have spent time with us and it has been a real heartbreaker. It has been impossible for us to "separate" ourselves from caring for the physical needs of the kids and keeping our hearts out of the equation.

BUT (here it comes).. There is SOOOOO much political GARBAGE that comes with the territory. For instance. The request for us to provide respite for the weekend came in a message to Shel on facebook from the other foster mother. She requested two nights respite from Friday to Sunday evening. The next thing that happens is Shel got a call from someone (I am not clear on who it was, I think the social worker) requesting directions to the house and letting her know the baby was coming on Thursday from an appointment. When the baby arrived on Thursday Shel was informed that she would be picking up the baby on TUESDAY for another appointment but this way it decreased the amount of times the baby would be "shuffled" between homes. You know, I get it. I don't think kids should be shuffled. The lack of communication DRIVES ME INSANE. After Shel get's all the details from the worker she gets a text from the foster mom asking if it is ok for the baby to stay until Tuesday. Through all of the back and forth we discovered that the plan between the current foster family, the social worker and the foster care worker is for us to provide respite for this little girl and to eventually take her into our home on a permanent basis. It would have been nice to have been consulted on the topic! THE SYSTEM IS WHACK people. WHACK.

It could only happen to me.

I had an appointment at the dentist today. In the spirit of trying to do things "differently" I did not cancel but actually went to my appointment.

I arrived, got settled, got my mouth numbed entirely on the bottom - both sides, and the dentist began working.

Getting needles in my mouth hurts me a lot. I am sure it hurts everyone but I think I have hypersensitive cheek nerves or something. When I get a needle it hurts right into my jaw and into my ears and I have such anxiety about it I can literally feel my heart pounding out of my chest. I try deep breathing. I try thinking of other things, but I have no luck in turning my attention to anything other than the stabbing pain in my mouth - aggravated by the dentist shaking my cheek (is that supposed to help or something?)

All of a sudden the dental hygienist says to him 'I have no water". He checked his water and had none. They went into other rooms and checked the water and there was none. The receptionist called the town office and was told that there was a water break and there would be no water for the rest of the day.

He came back into the room, covered up what he had started and sent me on my way to make an appointment to come back and finish when they had water again.

I got a trip to another town, a frozen mouth and another appointment. YAY ME! I have bad dentist karma.

things I am grateful for

I am trying to reframe my attitude. I have mentioned that last year really took a toll on me emotionally and my attitude suffered without a doubt. I NEED for this year to be a better year. I cannot control the things in life that happen around me, but I have to do something to hold onto my sanity.

I have always been a huge fan of the concept of gratitude. When I was super religious I had a favorite scripture from a speech King Benjamin gave to his people. King Benjamin was a great king and his people loved him. He erected a tower to talk to them and in his speech he said "And behold also, if I, whom ye call your king, who has spent his days in your service, and yet has been in the service of God, do merit any thanks from you, O how you ought to thank your heavenly King!"
I tried to make it a daily practise to "thank my Heavenly King".

Years have passed since I was that religious but I still believe that being grateful is important. I have a lot to be grateful for.

Last night I sat on the couch in our living room with my boys next to me. Max was watching a video about Wolves and CJ was playing a motorcycle game on his ipod. In the middle of playing his game, he stopped and leaned over and kissed me on the arm. I said "thanks for the kiss CJ" and he replied, eyes still on his game, "Welcome!"

Such a sweet, kind soul. My heart filled with gratitude for the beautiful family that I have.

When it is -40 C

Winter arrived this week with a vengeance. We have had a SUPER mild year so far and so when the temperatures dropped to fourty below ( which is where the celcius and farenheit scales are the same for those of you wondering) we were not happy.
At work somehow (because how do topics ever come up at work I don't know) we started talking about what happens when you throw water outside when it is this cold.
Well R said that it evaporates immediately. I thought she was messing with the girl she was talknig to and told her she was full of B.S.
She insisted she was correct and so I went to the kitchen, got a cup of cold water and went outside and threw it into the air. Well nothing happened at all so I gave R "the look" which meant - you are a lying sack of @#$ and we came inside.
Determined to prove she was right she busted out the all knowing, all powerful, google search and lo and behold, if you BOIL water and THEN throw it outside the most amazing thing happens.
Kept us occupied for at LEAST a half hour!!
Enjoy :

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zdmzt3kplKY&list=UU4chB6OiOd_VDn2l4h3CoNA&index=1&feature=plcp

Reading : Beauty and the Werewolf

I am reading so many books right now it is insane. I have not read like this for YEARS.
WHY?
Because I have been in school. Am I done school you ask?
HELL TO THE NO!
I am procrastinating and I have retreated from the world in the evenings after the boys are in bed and I am reading up a storm. I am not even watching television I am reading so much - and that says SOMETHING about my reading fo sho.
I just finished a book called Beauty and the Werewolf and I LOVED this book, probably because I like a good fairytale. It was part Little Red Riding Hood, part Beauty and the Beast. The female protagonist was smart, hardworking, kind and all around the kind of woman I like to read about. The woodsman and the Wolf were not at all what you would expect from the typical fairytale which was a nice, but predictable departure from the norm. The only thing in the book that was a bit of a distraction was that I figured out the plot early on and knew who was responsible for the spell cast on the Wolf - it bothers me that I am smarter than sorcerers, wise women and others with abilities beyond my own. If I can figure it out, why can't they? This seemed to me more of an adolescent read than an adult one but I really liked it just the same.


I read to "escape" from reality. I have in the past year begun to read science fiction and fantasy books which I had never read before because I was bored with the predictability of the mysteries I had previously devoured. I am enjoying my foray into these new (for me) genres, but there are some things which I have noticed which bother me.

I have yet to read ANY book in which a female character dresses herself in "male" clothing for comfort and functionality but in the process offends some of those she encounters. Compass directions are ALWAYS north, south, east and west which makes sense from the perspective that it gives the reader some frame of reference, but in other ways it is strange that in other worlds, in other times, there would be these exact same directions by the same name.

Another thing I have noticed is that when characters in books undertake any kind of travel, they ALWAYS have jerky and cheese. REALLY? I have read about dragons, witches, boggarts, gurgi, and all manner of other kinds of creatures, but there are ALWAYS cows and cheese - and jerky!

12 of 12: January 2012

Today was a very sad day in our home as our two year old great dane had to be put down for medical issues. We are devestated to lose him and wish we had options that would guarantee his health and not leave him in potential prolonged pain without guarantee of success.
Hugo has been a significant part of our lives and a blessing in the life of our boys. We will miss him more than words can tell.

When I got home from work this morning at about 1 am Max and Hugo had been sleeping together. Shel took this and sent it to me.

 Sitting on the couch before we left for the vet

 Checking out a squirrel in the tree with Shel. Where is a dane to sit if it isn't on the couch?

 CJ does not want his photo taken (after we got home from the vet CJ bit me!) It has been a long time - over a year since he has bitten. Poor kid is having a tough time tonight.

 Looking out the window as the boys go with the neighbours. Max kissed him "lots and lots" before he left.

 Trying to take a photo with Shel. She asked if I wanted one and I said no, and thought I might regret it. I already do.

 Sign on the wall in the vet office. According to this Hugo was already in his 20's although he did not act like it!

 Sign on the wall as we entered the vet office. I thought it was a funny sign, but I was looking for reasons to be distracted. It worked for about 7 seconds.

 Picking up the boys on the way home. CJ ran away from us so we picked him up as we drove away.

 We heard something under the car so got out to check what it was, but couldnt find anything. (The car was turned off while we all lay on the ground)

 The only thing we managed to put together for dinner. Didn't feel like much of anything.

Empty Bed.

The house was really quiet last night.
I hate today.

If I was...

If I was a month, I would be October - but only if I lived somewhere far enough south that the end of the month wasn't freezing cold like it is where we live currently.

If I was a day of the week, I'd be Thursday.

If I was a time of day, I'd be late at night probably around eleven thirty.

If I was an animal of the sea, I would be an angler fish.

• If I was a direction, I'd be West.

If I was a planet, I'd be Mars.

If I was a piece of furniture, I'd be a recliner rocker.

If I was a sin, I'd be lust.

If I was a liquid, I'd be mercury.

If I was a gemstone, I'd be an Emerald.

If I was a tree, I'd be a Baobab.

If I was a bird, I'd be a Greater Painted Snipe .

If I was a tool, I'd be a leatherman, but the thought of being a "tool" makes me laugh a little.

If I was a flower, I'd be a Carrion Flower because it's just wierd - not because I smell like something dead.

If I was a material, I'd be cotton.

If I was a kind of weather, I'd be a Lightening Storm.

If I was a musical instrument, I'd be a didgeridoo.

If I was a colour, I'd be be green .

If I was a word, I'd be "Sussurus".

If I was an emotion, I'd be gratitude.

If I was a fruit, I'd be a leetchee.

If I was a sound, I'd be the laughter of my sons.

If I was a body part, I'd be hands.

If I was a song, I'd be LA Song (This was VERY HARD to decide!)

If I was an element, I'd be Tantalum.

If I was an auto-mobile, I'd be a

If I was a food, I'd be Thai Mango Sticky Rice

If I was a taste, I'd be Umami.

If I was a scent, I'd be vanilla.

If I was a place, I'd be Deception Pass State Park.

If I was a mammal, I'd be a 

If I was a phase of the moon, I'd be waxing gibbous.

If I was berry, I'd be a raspberry .

If I was a book, I'd be 'The Lorax" by Dr Seuss.

If I was story, I'd be ... wow. I don't know how to even answer this one. I have NO idea what story I would be.... Shoot. I have to think more about this one.

2012

I was more than happy to see the end of 2011. To put it mildly it was NOT a good year for us. As I sat down to compose a family letter for the holidays I was so discouraged with the happenings of the year that I eventually put the draft letter away and didn't finish it. Finding much to be grateful for was hard. I also noticed the impact it had on my blogging last year. Since I began blogging more than five years ago, last year I posted the least. I didn't want to fill my blog with the things in life that were going wrong, partly because it seemed too personal and partly because I didn't want my blog to be a complaining place that people avoided because it was such a downer.
As 2011 drew to a close and 2012 dawned I was relieved. It was something concrete that allowed me to feel as though a chapter was closing and a more hopeful chapter was opening.
Then on January 1 my grandmother passed away. On January 2nd we discovered that our two year old Great Dane puppy may have bone cancer. I've put my enthusiasm for the new year on hold again. I honestly don't know how I could survive another year like the last one.
I am in such a mental slump I don't know how to get myself out of it.

Making decorations tonight

We noticed in the putting up of our tree that we are running low on decorations. Shel and I have had a lot of decorations over the years but some have been broken in all of our moves and some have been eaten by our dogs and some are just darn old. Now that we are kick A*# parents and Christmas is ALL about the boy's we have decided to start making decorations with them so that we can build up our decoration stash again.

I got this idea from a parent crafting newsletter and it was quick and easy and the boys loved it. I cut the pattern of a tree into a scouring pad and then the boys pushed these little crafting thingys into them wherever they wanted to. ("Crafting thingy" is the proper name for them I am sure! LOL)I just have to put strings on and then we will have the first new decorations of 2011.

 Max didn't want to hold his up for the photo, he wanted me to hold it up in front of him. I have no idea why all of a sudden this boy does not want to be in pictures. Silly kid.

CJ is holding up his finished product for mom to take a photo of in front of the tree. Apparently for him tonight "less is more".

12 of 12

This is the last month that Chad Darnell is hosting 12 of 12.
I love it and now that I have a computer at home again I plan on doing 12 of 12 again monthly - even though (unfortunately) Chad will no longer be hosting.
Check out other participants by linking to Chads site HERE.

And here are 12 photos to take you through my day on the 12th of December.

1. First thing this morning at about 7 am I went out to warm up the vehicle.
This is frost on the boys toys outside overnight.

 2. I was trying to get a photo of the frost on the trees in the driveway, but my breath and the car exhaust were causing problems for my i-phone. This is the best of the three pictures I took.

 3. I went for lunch in the cafeteria today at 1pm. They make really good soup. They have all these new signs and this is the sign over the water dispenser. I think it is funny.

 4. At the same cafeteria. I had to take a photo of this. The lunch menu today was perogies with sausage. Perhaps I am confused, but no-where in what I understand to be perogies is there any type of noodle and yet this was on the line. They weren't even good looking noodles! Oh well. I am sure they will show up in the Chef's choice soup by Friday. (One of the only soups I don't even try!)

5. This is scratched into one of the stall doors in the ladies washroom right by my office. I have worked here since 2003 and the same scratches are still there. 

6. SKYPE!!!!! Boo Yah I love Skype. Here is my little sister multi tasking. She is talking to me AND working at the same time. She has mad skills. 

7. My desk. I spent a stupid amount of time cleaning my desk because then I have a

reason not to be working on my thesis. Those are actually thesis papers on the desk right there as proof that I have at least printed off some material.

8. 5pm and I am home.
This is my boy greeting me as I arrive in the driveway.

9. This is my other boy greeting me and evidence of the sun setting at 5, yes, 5 pm.

 10. I blogged about this earlier. This is the hole which the mouse made in my vehicle. The mouse which I intend on finding and destroying. Yup I said it. Destroying.

11. 6pm He let me take this photo because I told him it was a photo of his toque head. For some reason he is not impressed with being the object of my photographs any more. I have to bribe him to get a picture any more.

12. I always think this flower is dead and it blooms every year and surprises me. This is likely the happiest thing that has happened in my life recently!

13. And a bonus photo . Our tree.

I have not touched ANYTHING but allowed the boys to decorate as they want to. The only thing I have done is "re-hung" things that have fallen off.