walking in a winter wonderland

We have had a most spectacular winter season this year. For some reason we have had more hoar frost than I can remember since arriving here six winters ago - I think we are on our seventh winter here already?

This is the part of the barn we finished painting red. We need to finish it all this summer - my goal is to get a ladder! When the window trim is all white and the barn is finished it will look spectacular. It didn't look bad today at all.

This is a tree outside the office at work. If I had been wearing my boots I would have trucked over for a closer shot, but I think you get the idea.

What a gorgeous day today!

Monday Movie Meme

Link to The Bumbles if you are interested in checking out more participants of the Monday Movie Meme.

This week the topic is "Popular Movies that You Hated".

Ever get excited to see some movie the whole world has been gushing about, only to discover that you thought it was a dud? Not only are you completely annoyed that the movie didn't meet your expectations, but you don't have anyone else to complain to because you're the only one who didn't like it.


Here are mine:


1. Titanic

2. Pulp Fiction

3. The Big Lebowski

4. Pirates of the Caribbean

smart shopper cards

Have I mentioned that we live in a small town? Well we do. One of the drawbacks to this little town is the grocery shopping. We do have an IGA in town and it is open 24 hours a day (at least that's what is posted, but I have been there when it was locked and I was very confused).

They have these little things called "smart shopper coupons" and you get one coupon for every five dollars that you spend in the store. You lick the back (or if you are me you DON'T lick the back and you collect millions of them and store them in a baggie) but theoretically you lick the back and put ten on a card and then you can use them in the store for savings, like coupons.

I HATE licking them. They are disgusting. The other day I overheard someone in the store talking about using a glue stick on them and I realized my dreams had come true - an alternative to licking!

So I sat down yesterday afternoon with all the glue sticks I could find in the house and I went to work on smart shopper cards. I will admit I ran out of glue sticks long before I ran out of coupons, but I made a beautiful stack of cards we can now use.


It took a while to do and as I was sitting there gluing away I was calculating how much money we had spent to get that many coupons and what the were worth. You know - they really are not worth much in the great scheme of things. Each card represents 50 dollars spent in the store. most of the things you can redeem them for use at least three cards. Some things (like milk) are worth more to us as a family because we use a lot of it and it is dang expensive. But other things - like eggs - you can usually get a dozen eggs for three cards. So the store gives you a dozen eggs, a value of about three dollars - for every $150.00 you spend there. That's REALLY cheap. The store has to make a PACK of money and to give back the equivalent of three bucks to everyone who spends a hundred and fifty seems laughable. Especially when you think of how many people DON'T use the cards. I am certain I am not the only one who hates to lick them (and who never thought of glue sticks before).

I remember shopping with my grandmother and aunt in Southern California when I was a teenager. I know that was a long time ago and groceries in So Cal are STILL ridiculously cheaper than they are up here, but back then you could go through the paper and get coupons and clip the coupons. Some grocery stores would take the coupons of any other store and some stores would give you "double coupons" credit. There were some seriously good deals available by coupon back then. Not so much now and DEFINITELY not so much at IGA.

Thankfully now we have a huge stack of cards and we will absolutely use them. For as much as they "aren't" worth it is still a savings and we can use all the savings we can get shopping in town. Unfortunately for me I have never seen glue sticks available with smart shopper cards.

Stairs

We have lived in our house now for over two years. There are many projects that we need to work on but like all old homes, once you begin a project it turns into something much larger than originally anticipated and so we are now living in a house with many "started" projects and very few "finished" projects.
One of the things we did immediately (before we even moved in) was to take out the nasty old carpet in some of the rooms and on the stairs. Unfortunately when we took up the carpet on the stairs the carpet pad had been glued down and try as we might, we could not get the dang thing up.
This is what each step looked like. It is a horrendous catcher of pet hair and other gross things and we vacuum it more than once a day (it helps to have kids who like to vacuum) but the steps were NEVER clean.

Add to that the staples that were in each step. I have no idea why there were so many, but I estimate from having pulled them out, that there were at least 30 staples PER step. These staples made it increasingly difficult to get the carpet pad off and they were very painful to step on!

My maintenance man at work found this tool which he has fallen in love with. He saw it advertised on television one morning at 6am and he was on a quest to find one for himself. I have heard many renditions of how wonderful it is and he has even had me over for a personal demonstration of the wonders of this tool. He assured me that this tool would solve all my woes and sent me home with it this weekend to try out on my stairs.

It is every bit the wonder he assured me it was. It was AMAZING. I had a BLAST using it and the stairs look amazing. I did have to spend some time taking out the staples by hand, but the job is now almost complete (I have two steps remaining at the top which I will complete this week) and I loved every minute of the project. So did Max and CJ.

I don't know why I don't have a good "after" picture. I need to take one and post it for sure. It looks sooo much better and feels fantastic. Now all we need is a new carpet and we will have one home project COMPLETE. What will that feel like?

getting carried away with boys and missing my favorite day of the year

My spouse is home, we all survived and we are all hap-hap-happy!
It was my intent to post the whole time that she was gone, but I just got too carried away with hanging out with the boys and keeping my head above water with all the comings and goings in our lives to log onto the computer at all for a few days.

I even missed posting on my FAVORITE day of the year - Fat Tuesday! I LOVE me my Fat Tuesday. It is a tradition for me to give up "hope" for Lent, but this year I have seriously considered it and I have decided I am NOT going to give up hope. I am going to wait it out this year and reconsider next year if I should take up the tradition again. I'm not going to feel guilty about it for one minute because I am not even one minuscule part Catholic, so I don't have to give up anything for lent at all. I suppose if I were pressed on the topic I will say I am giving up "giving up"!

On the home front I have a sick kid, a teething kid and a sick spouse, so I don't anticipate getting much more rest in the next few days than I have had in the last few days but right now I don't even care. We are all home together again and that's the way it should be.

Day four: three days left!

It is no surprise to me that C was up at the crack of dark. My clock still had a "6" as the first number... So much for a Saturday sleep in! Mornings are the hardest for me because I just do not wake up "ready to go" for the day. I know the boys are hungry and need to eat, but I almost need to sit down and fully wake up before I feel like I can get moving for the day.
My plan for the day was to make bacon and eggs. Max stood next to me and ate every piece of bacon I put on the paper towel to soak. I think he single handedly ate a half pound of bacon - i know C and I certainly didn't have anything worth commenting about! I made scrambled eggs, which neither of them ate and when I was done with all the bacon I fried myself an egg the way I like it (dead, dead, and crispy dead) and sat down to eat. Well apparently my egg was more appealing to the boys than theirs were and I sat at the table with a boy on each knee while they ate my egg! Too funny.
We cleaned a bit, made a mess a bit, and hung out for the day. We were going to go and get haircuts but while I was cooking breakfast Max laid his head on the paper plate where I was putting the bacon to drip and got a head full of drippings. Turns out there was a line of people to get their hair cut anyway (so much for getting someone else to wash his hair!)
I had a plan to do a craft today and have the boys make something for Shel for when she got home. Unfortunately that plan went to the dogs when Max ripped up all the construction paper on the way home from the dollar store.
Max didn't have much for supper, but I figure a half pound of bacon can probably tide him over for the day :)
We are having a good time, missing mom a lot, but I love being home all day with the boys rather than dropping them off at a sitters then picking them up after working all day. Things are much smoother when we hang together. I still cant wait till Shel gets home! I had big plans for the night after the boys went to bed but I am now ready to just pack it in and go to bed.

Day three: four days left

Friday was day three (yesterday). I was scheduled to have the day off work but there was a check out and so I needed to go in for room assessments. When I went in there turned out to be issue that needed my attention by the computer and phone and so I didn't do any room assessments... it was a real bust of a day. I feel like my time was completely wasted and I would MUCH rather have been at home with the boyo's.
I picked up the boys, we came home, made dinner, hung out for a while and went to bed. I wanted to blog and do laundry and some more dishes, but I was wiped out from the day and went to bed. Last night was actually better than the night before but Max was still up in the middle of the night telling me he was "finished" sleeping!
I think if I can get a good rhythm we will all be ok, but so far things aren't flowing yet. C had pickled beetroot for the first time tonight. Max won't go withing ten miles of anything new but C tried it and didn't gag! (That's a bonus) I think if he tries it a few more times he may like it a lot. He did think they pink dye on his fingers was cool!

12 of 12: February

For 12 of 12 this month, mom is away and it is just me and the boys all alone at home hanging out. I don't know how interesting a day at home will be in photos, but here we go!
12 of 12 is hosted by Chad Darnell at his website which can be linked to above.
Thanks Chad!

Here is my day.....



7am

The new morning ritual is to come into our room and hang out with us first thing in the morning. It is a kid/pet bonding moment for sure. I am not ready to get out of bed yet.





7:30 am

Too early for me to be eating but the boys need to eat right away so I am diligently cooking bacon for them. Max stood next to me and ate everything that came off the pan and I didn't even realize how much he ate until it was all gone and C and I didn't have any!







8am.

I just ducked out the back door to take a picture of the sun rising. The sky has been really pink in the morning for the past week and of course today it was not nearly as bright as it had been. Oh well! It is getting brighter earlier every day.





8am

I turned from taking a picture of the sunrise to take one of the amount of snow on the roof. We need to pull it down before the ice buildup at the bottom gets too big, but this is NOTHING compared to past years.

9:30am

So breakfast is finished and it sure looks nice outside. Someone is dreaming of getting out and playing in the snow.... OK. I'll suck it up and get out there!

10:00am

Still outside (which is a miracle for me - I am NOT a fan of the great outdoors when it is cold out!) Here sits the shovel, still thinking about making our own rink on the dugout, but it is warming up now so I don't think it is worth the effort this winter. Maybe next winter when the dugout is fenced and the boys are a little older. I really HAVE to teach them to skate. Having mothers who are not "into" winter sports is not going to get our boys any slack when they are the only boys who can't skate and we live in Canada for crying out loud!

1pm
So we "napped" (well in actuality we had "quiet hour" because there was no-one sleeping) and I thought I could buy myself some time to catch up on some television. What happened as I sat in the living room was that the boys decided to "cook" and dumped out the Costco sized container of garlic powder onto the kitchen floor. I should have known it was too quiet. Thankfully, they love vacuuming as much as they love "cooking".

6pm.

We have gone through three outfits today and already taken three baths. My boy with the addiction to cords is carrying my phone around in his pocket plugged to the charger. Electric cord junkie.

6:30 pm

I went to the kitchen to get a snack and it appears that SOMEONE has already had the beginnings of a snack!

7:00pm

In the living room now, waiting for the Olympics to begin. This was a gift to me from one of my professors when I graduated from university. I love it and unfortunately my boys do also. It has certainly been well used but I think it is on it's last legs. I certainly could not have predicted it's future on the day I received it.

8pm

DUN DUN DUHHHHHHHH

The Olympics is beginning! This was about all I saw of the whole opening ceremony. The boys were simply not interested.

8:30pm

The boys are in bed and I came back downstairs to have a few moments to myself. I watched one television commercial (this one) and I have decided I am going to go to bed myself.

Night night!

day two, part two: six days left

The night started out amazingly. I was feeling like parent of the year (in my own mind obviously). The kids were fed, bathed, in clean pajamas and in bed by 8pm. Maxie didn't try to get out of bed ONCE before he fell to sleep. I was in bed reading and after 45 minutes I thought I would venture downstairs to watch the season premiere of Survivor. As I walked past the bedroom where I THOUGHT the boys were sleeping, Ceejer piped up "Mamma!" I went in and decided to take him downstairs with me, sit him on my lap and snuggle with him in the dark, watching survivor. He is normally a very good snuggle pal.
Well he snuggled for about a millionth of a second and then got up to play with his trucks. I kept the lights off thinking it would keep him in "sleepy" mode, but it didn't. When Shel called me she heard him squealing before I even said hello and she greeted me with "Uh oh" and not "Hi"!
It actually is NOT that big of a deal that he was up, because he is really good, and he plays without any problems. When I went to bed at 11, I took him up and laid him down and he just rolled and went to sleep. I got into bed, read my book for another 20 minutes and turned out the light. Well the turning off of the bedroom light somehow woke Max in the other room. I swear he has a sixth sense for electrical current - and he was wide awake, out of bed, and told me he was finished sleeping for the night. For some reason he was very weepy. I let him get into the bed with me, thinking all along about how Shel predicted I would be sleeping with one or the other of them before her side of the bed had even cooled but I was determined he was NOT staying the night with me.
He started to cry, saying over and over "mamma gone, mamma gone". By this time it was well after 1am and although I was tempted to call Shel and have her talk to him there was no way I was disrupting the whole household to have her say goodnight (which we had already done earlier anyway). I tried to balance between reassuring him she was returning and showing my version of sleep deprived compassion and putting him back in his bed. From that point on the night was a complete write off. He didn't stay in bed more than 15 minutes at a time and I was up and down the stairs getting bottles and other things for him trying to find what he needed to settle for the night. FINALLY around 4 am he seemed to fall asleep IN his bed and it took me all of a millisecond to fall asleep right after he did. THEN the little cherub was up again sometime around 5 and we were all up for the day. Day three away from mom had a rocky start. I hope tonight goes better - I hope he collapses from sheer exhaustion and sleeps the night through. Now I just have to keep Ceejer in bed. There will be no attempts from me to sneak downstairs tonight. I just hope I don't need the bathroom!

things that happen to travelers

So my spouse busted out of the great white north and is off to visit her family in Wisconsin. (How funny is it that she went SOUTH to Wisconsin?)
We have been nervous about her going to the USA since she became a Canadian resident, but we made the giant leap and sent her off. In the process of getting her ready we neglected to pack a bottle of medication.
We knew that being seven days without it was not an option and so I got a hold of a phone number for a pharmacy there and spoke tot he pharmacist and explained the situation. What we needed was 7 pills. Let me insert here that these are not pain pills, not narcotics, not anything she could sell on the black market (is there a black market in Wisconsin?) and we were going to have the doctor here fax the prescription to the pharmacy there. Well the pharmacist said that they would not fill a prescription written by a Canadian doctor because he was not licensed in the USA to write prescriptions. I understand this in "theory" but "practically" it makes no sense to me. I get it that our doctor is not an American, but how is it possible to buy drugs online between countries? I don't think it was an outrageous request to ask for seven days worth of a medication. Are we the only people in the world who travel and accidentally leave medication behind? What about people who lose their luggage while traveling, has it never happened in the history of the world that someone would lose a medicine and need a temporary refill?
It really brings home to me how far apart we really are - Canada and the USA that is. I know many people think that the countries are very alike, in fact they are more different than similar. Crossing the border IS like going to a foreign country.
We managed to get everything worked out, got her in to see an American doctor who was nice enough to take her word for it (she does have all her travel documents and we could get a fax from our family doctor here) but even when she went to get the prescription filled - paying cash for it - she virtually had to sign her life away. They wanted all kinds of information about her and I have to ask - for what? All's well that ends well I suppose, but what a pain and a lesson learned.

Day two: six days left

Time is seriously dragging here. I feel as though we had a good day and I certainly got a lot accomplished, but the time is just moving at a snail pace. I Barbequed for supper tonight. It makes me laugh that I barbequed when the temperature was hovering around -15 degrees. Who does that? Why, people who live this far north!
I managed to make supper, put in a load of laundry, bathe the kids and get them to bed. I know this is the stuff people do ALL the time, every day of their lives and so it seems as though I am making a big deal out of nothing. It's just that I LIKE doing this with my spouse. I LIKE raising the boys with her. Max lately has been so "clingy" and I have no idea why. He and Ceejer were in the tub together and I went to pick Ceej up and Max almost had a fit. He wants me to pick HIM up and keep HIM on my lap when we are in the living room. The strange thing is he doesnt even really WANT to be in my lap, he just doesnt want C there. Thats why I like having two of us. I don't feel as though I am abandoning one boy for the other. I dont understand Maxies recent need to be babied, I am just a sucker for my boys I guess!
So it's after 10 pm. I need to go to bed and eek out every minute of sleep I can get. I was planning on taking the day off from work tomorrow and as it happens there is a check out and I need to do room assessments, so no day off for me. I REALLY wanted to just chill with my boys at home, but I guess I have to wait until Saturday for that. I was thinking I might do some dishes.... I hurried and thought of something else!
Oh, the buzzer just went on the dryer. I need to turn it on for one more cycle. Nighty night!

day one: seven days left

We got up super early this morning and drove the almost 2 hours to the airport. The fog was INSANE at 3am and worse at 7 am when there were more vehicles on the road. There was at least one accident I passed on the way home and if there were more I didn't see them because the fog was so thick.
Shel has had a LONG day of travel - she hasn't arrived at her destination yet, but I think she will be there in a few minutes. Two long car trips, two countries, one nightmare of immigration and three planes later and her trip has only just begun!
The funny thing is that usually on a Wednesday I work a really long day and stay in town overnight. I don't get home for about 24 hours. Shel has been gone for less than that, and I have been at work most of the day and I miss her! I haven't even been gone as long as I am normally on a week to week basis, but just knowing she is in the USA tonight feels different.
I am still waiting for her to call and tell me she has arrived safely. Seven days until we pick her up.

broken record

I feel as though life right now is a bit of a broken record.
We still have no idea what is happening with the adoptions.
We are still stressed and trying to handle our stress the best we can without impacting our boys who are emotion amplifiers. Neither one of them sleeps well at the BEST of times and when they pick up on our stress then fagettaboutit. Sleep is NOT happening in our home.
We met last week with two managers who heard our story and I will admit - we did a good job of telling it - but they heard about our "case", not about our "family".
It frustrates me to NO end that decisions can be made "in the best interest of the child" based on what people see written on paper, in a file. They see reports, made by people who OCCASIONALLY see us, and infrequently see the kids.
Managers say things to us like "two years is not significant bonding for a child considering the length of his life" and "they are not related by blood and so they are not bonded to one another". These are boys who have been with us since birth and know NO other family.
I wish that these people could see our lives. The lives of the boys whom we love with all our hearts, mights, minds and strengths. The boys who SQUEAL when I walk into the room when I get home from work, and who quiver with excitement at being picked up. I wish they could hear my son; my non-verbal, profoundly hearing impaired son say "momma" when I ask him who loves him.
They will decide the fate of our family over a desk. In a conference room. Maybe tired, maybe having read a multitude of files before they get to ours. They don't know us or anything about us and they hold our lives in their hands - and we wait.

dedicated to my boys

Countdown to the Year of the Tiger

I'm a pig. That is to say, I was born in the Year of the BOAR (or pig).

This year is the Year of the Rooster. Let me just say, that the year of the rooster is not a good one if you happen to be a pig. I don't know what problem roosters have with pigs, generally, but they do not get along. I can attest to this fact.

I looked up the pig outlook for 2009 and it was not good. Predicted were one favorable months, 1 neutral months, and the rest lousy months. Perhaps because I knew this I made it "happen" this way, but I am inclined to believe that much happened beyond my control in 2009 and little of it was good.

We had to put down three cats and one dog just for starters and things didn't improve from there. That's why I am excited for the Year of the Tiger. In exactly 12 days the year of the Tiger begins. Common sense would dictate that two farm animals would have more in common than a farm animal and a predator, but I who am I to say. My pig outlook for the year of the Tiger is 11 favorable months and 1 neutral month. Under normal circumstances I would not claim to be superstitious in any way, but if the Chinese Calendar says this will be a good year for me then I will not dispute it. I will embrace it. I will love it, and perhaps my loving it will translate into me having a better year than last one. 12 days and counting.

letter to Max - 40 months

Dear Max,

Wowza boyo, you are FOURTY months old already? Where did the time go?

I am constantly amazed at how tall you are and still you are my number one baby boy. You have been saying words like crazy and yesterday as you are I were hanging out together in the living room while mom and C-note tried to nap you never stopped talking! It means more to me now since you are actually saying words, and you are quite the character.

Last night after you climbed out of bed for the fiftieth time and snuck downstairs I went to find you. I thought you were in the living room but when I looked in I didn't see you right away. When I came back and turned on the light I noticed you were hiding under the blanket. I asked "Where's Max?" to which you replied 'GONE!"

If we can just get this sleep thing figured out we will be so happy - and so will you. Last night you were up from just after 10 pm until after 4:30 this morning. Of course you kept everyone in the house awake and I'm sorry, it doesn't matter HOW cute you are we are exhausted!

I finally decided to lock Helios out from upstairs since the two of you were unitedly keeping everyone else awake. Helios doesn't care because he is a cat and he sleeps all day and you are his partner in crime for sure.

You had an awesome Christmas with your cousins and you laughed and played until you dropped. It was great to see. I just can't believe how big you are.

I love you so much.

Rest your head, close to my heart, never to part, baby of mine.

Love mama

letter to c-note - 18 months

Dear C-Note,

I can't believe you are already 18 months old. You are walking and jabbering up a storm and your laughter makes me smile every time I hear it.

Your mom and I have been noticing that you are already starting to act a little bit like a two year old - you are practising throwing tantrums which we are currently finding cute, I hope we still feel that way a year from now!

It has been a bit of a blessing that we have been teaching your older brother sign language because you have picked it up well. You also adapt the signs to suit yourself (same as your brother) and when you are hungry you pat your cheeks with your index fingers. It is as cute as you are! This last week when we were getting ready to leave the house you and Max were dancing and jumping. You are too little to get both your feet off the ground but you crouch real low and then pop up and lift one leg off the ground. I could watch you play for hours.

You scared us a little with your eye exam this month, but it turns out you moved your head and made a blur on the picture. The black spot turned out to be nothing but we worried about you for the few days it took to get in and get new pictures taken. The eye doctor decided you had good hand-eye coordination when you grabbed the tool out of his hand as he was trying to look in your eyeball!

You have decided you don't like your car seat and I can't say I blame you. I don't know who decided to make car seats out of rigid plastic. The fact that we are in the car for long stretches of time when we ever DO go anywhere doesn't make it any easier. Thankfully you are mostly a happy go lucky guy and once you are in the seat you settle down right away - unlike Max!

You are still my little snuggler. Last night after your bath you were so tired you fell asleep in mom's lap while I was getting Max out of the tub. I love holding you so much and I am glad that you like to snuggle even though you are getting older. I take every chance I can get to hold you and I am happy that you like it also.

Rest your head, close to my heart, never to part, baby of mine.

I love you,

Mom

parenting alone

I have been a believer always that people who parent alone are amazing. I find it difficult to manage parenting even with a partner because I lack all the skills that seem to make parents "good" at what they do.
Don't get me wrong. I can change a diaper, bath a kid, feed a kid, sometimes dress a kid (depends on the kid) and I am AWESOME at playing with a kid. I just can't seem to do it all in a manner that fits into the time schedule of the rest of the world. It seems as though as soon as I try to get the kids out the door that all my skills evaporate. I cannot get anywhere on time (and that is something that causes me IMMENSE amounts of stress).
So, my spouse has to leave for seven days next month. It will be the longest we have been apart in six years since we were reunited in Canada when we moved from the states. It will be the longest she has been away from the kids and the longest i have looked after them alone. She asked me the other day if I could handle it and of course I CAN, but that didn't stop me from laying awake all night last night wondering how in the world I am going to manage!

time keeps on slipping...

How is it possible that the time keeps slipping away?

The last few days we have spent most of our time in the van, driving to and from medical appointments for the boys. There was a few days there where I could barely think straight with all of the things happening on the adoption front and then we got hit with appointments and all we could do was focus on them. In a way I am glad of the distraction. I think I would have gone insane if I had spent any more time on obsessing about things beyond my control.

Which brings us to today...

The boys are healthy. The surgery for Maxies ears has made a SIGNIFICANT improvement in his hearing. The black spot in Ceegers eye was just a smudge from the little dude moving his head and NOT a tumor!

Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.

perspective

It seems as though there is a lot being written about perspective on the few other blogs I read with regularity. The perspective that comes when something devastating happens - like the earthquake in Haiti. Without a doubt, when tragedy strikes it does something to perspective.

My perspective in life has taken a dramatic shift since Wednesday. Events in our home have shaken me to the core and they seem to be completely beyond our control. The stress we feel has been picked up on by our oldest little man and it was evident last night he was stressed out and didn't know what to do with himself.

So here we go on this journey. Trying to figure out how to deal day to day, trying to minimize the impact of our stress on the lives of our little guys, and looking at the world though a new set of eyes. The things in my world that caused me stress on Monday are laughable today. Our journey has taken an abrupt and significant shift in focus and we need to regroup, set a course, and move forward.

We would give anything for a handbook on what to do. In the meantime we will spend every ounce of our energy to loving our boys.

fighting flu and giving up....

Shel and I have both been fighting the flu for about a week now. The boys have both had a cough and runny noses. The adults in the family, for once, were doing pretty well at keeping the illness at bay. Then we had a meeting with fostercare and adoption workers. Our house was descended upon by three workers, 45 minutes late (I don't think they have ever been on time).
We went through concurrent plans, rates assessments, signed papers of all kinds and then they dropped the BOMB.
The adoptions have been put on hold AGAIN. We have a new worker AGAIN. And best of all - they will not guarantee that we will be able to adopt the boys we have had in our homes since their births.
Needless to say. We are devastated and my body just decided to give up the fight against the flu. I am now sick as a dog. I have literally no voice - which reflects well how I feel in real life. I need to gather my thoughts, get healthy, and start fighting for my family.

12 of 12: January

Chad Darnell (check out his website HERE) hosts 12 of 12. 12 photos taken on the 12th of each month. I love it, and though I have never met Chad, I think he is a genius for thinking of the idea. THANKS CHAD!

Here are my 12 (admittedly more boring than those of other people who participate).....

1. 7am

The boys were up early and came into the bedroom to hang out with us. Everyone (pets, kids and dog) were all present and sharing in the love.

2. 9am.

I am in one of the conference/classrooms waiting for a leadership meeting to begin. The bus has not yet arrived with staff from our other campus. Here is the morning spread. I have no idea why these photos are coming out yellow. I am camera challenged.

3. Noon.

We are having a "working" lunch. I have eaten my sandwhich and I am about to start on my broccoli soup. Our cafeteria makes the most SCRUMPTIOUS soup.

4. 3pm.

Conference room cleared. One person forgot her purse and then the bus left and forgot one of the people. I laughed. we managed to track someone down to return and pick her up. Turns out they DID do a head count, but someone took the bus in the afternoon that didn't take the bus int he morning so they thought they had everyone.

5. 3:30pm Leaving the administration building and heading back to my office. It's getting cold again.

6. 4pm.

What happens to my desk when I am away for the day. HA HA! This is what my desk ALWAYS looks like and something I aim to remedy this year before I drive myself insane.

7. 5pm.

Waiting outside for my spouse to arrive and take me home. We are working with one vehicle currently and it is a hassle. It is still getting dark early and the roads are slippery with fog and freezing rain.

8. 6:30pm

Just got home and the boys got to open the gifts send from Aunty Jill in Texas. Max got maracas and is already making lovely music.

9. 7pm.

Ed is showing Max how to fix a hole. The door came right out of the wall and pulled the screws along with it. I thought I was going to have to move the hinges and all KINDS of fancy things, but our friend and carpenter showed up with glue and toothpicks and saved the day. AWESOME trick!

10. 7:15pm

Still watching the magic taking place. Max is holding his maracas he just got from his aunt.

11. 7:30

That door would have taken mom a LOT longer to hang than 15 minutes from start to finish. Ed is wrapping the cord and Max is fascinated. I think he wants to show Ed a better way! He is an expert on cords you know.

12. 8:30pm

Took Ed home and took a picture of my favorite tree. It's a Mountain Ash and usually has really red berries. The Bohemian Waxwings have been here already and eaten them all. Hopefully we will plant some in our yard this year so we can enjoy them at home also. I need to get a better picture of the Hoar Frost.

the panic train left the station

Panic time over. I found a hard copy of my thesis proposal with all the comments from my advisor for revision. I can now start working on the proposal revision. YAY!
I am HUGELY relieved as I was NOT enthusiastic at all about having to start from scratch and I couldn't for the life of me find the copies I made and stored in three places as I was advised to do. I know for darn sure that when I type it out again there will be MANY copies stored in MANY places and I will keep a list of where they all are.

We spent the majority of the weekend reading and then Sunday we did a bang up job of cleaning the house and rearranging bedrooms etc. Max and I worked on putting his bed together. I left the step that was listed as #1 to the end because I thought I could work more easily in a small space by moving that step to the end. As it turns out I can't skip that step and the toddler bed is now sitting "half" constructed as I have to strip everything back to step one and start over.

We picked the boys up from the babysitter Sunday night and Max has a shiner. Apparently he was running a little too fast and skidded into something head first. He is so cute! When I picked him up from school today his teacher said she cannot believe how much he grew over Christmas. He really did. With his cousin int he house he started talking like mad and he is saying all kinds of new words. We couldn't find his mitts today and asked him where they were. He said "up high". They were on the top shelf of the boot rack in the change room - up high!

I've lost my thesis

ai ai ai ai ai
I cant find my thesis!
This is not good people. I know I need to keep copies of it in three places but I can't find it ANYWHERE. That means I have to start over completely and let's face it, I have absolutely NO motivation.

overheard

Have you ever overheard someone talking and they were talking about you?

Before Christmas I was having a conversation with friends about what paranormal skills we would like to have. R said she would like to know what other people were thinking. I have to be honest and say this is NOT a skill I would like to have. Sure, I care (sometimes) about what others think of me. Sometimes I care too much. Sometimes I care too little. Generally I care too much about what people who mean little in my life think, and care too little what the important people in my life think. It's something I have to find balance in.

I think if I had any ability it would be to travel through time and space. There are innumerable times and places I would visit again if I had the chance.

What would you want?

adding to my list of 99

We met with the foster care support worker today and there are some things we need to do for that so I am adding them to this list - because why not kill two lists with one?

9. Get an updated criminal record check
10. Get a carbon monoxide detector for the house.
11. Fence the dugout.
12. Renew my first aid.

Then, we picked up the mail and there were reminded of something we have wanted to do as a couple, so I am adding those to my list also...

13. Find our marriage license.
14. Change our last names - to a blended last name.

and since I am working on it....

15. Come up with a list of 99 things to do!

lists verses resolutions

I don't know how I feel about resolutions. I like the idea of them but they seem to be things that people set out to do at the beginning of the year that fade into memory and just become things that people regret NOT having done by the end of the year. I don't formally set any kind of new years resolution myself, but I have done, and I may get excited about the idea at some later point in my life.
I do that... change my mind.
What I enjoy however, really, really, REALLY,enjoy, is making lists of things to do and checking things off that list. One of the blogs I follow, poppingbubbles, posted a list of 99 things to accomplish on her blog and then updated the list at the end of the year with the things she had accomplished. I like the idea LOTS. (You can link to it HERE).
So I have decided that I am going to do the same. I am going to make a list of 99 things I want to accomplish this year and I will keep you updated.
Here is the beginning of my list:

1. Sort through the box in my bedroom closet that I have moved to two different households without sorting through.
2. Write monthly letters to my sons. ( I am thinking this should actually count as 24 "things to do" and not one. Depending on how much I get accomplished I may change this later!)
3. Start my thesis.
4. Finish my thesis.
5. Participate in Chad Darnell's 12 of 12 every month.
6. Go to a movie, in a theater, with my spouse.
7. Clean out the bathroom cupboard.
8. Do at least ONE cross stitch project.

91 to go!

What you can learn about me from farmville

My spouse had a friend who passed away tragically a few years ago. By profession he was a therapist. Unfortunately I have only ever heard stories about him because although I did meet him, he did not like me. (I know, how shocking!) One of the things I know about him is that as a part of his work as a therapist he did some art therapy and interpretations of family dynamics from the way in which people drew their homes. (My spouse will have to correct me if I am wrong, but I am pretty sure this was part of his therapy "tool kit").

I am fascinated by the idea that it is possible to tell something about someone just from what they choose to draw and it is something that I contemplate every now and then. What would my drawing say about me?

In the meantime, I don't draw lots, but I play games on facebook, and one of the games I enjoy is "farmville". One of the options you have is to go to the farms that your friends who are also playing the game have linked to yours and you can "help" on their farm for points. I love checking out the farms of other people and trying to match what I know of their personalities with the layout of their farms. This got me thinking.

My farm and my spouses farm are very REAL representations of how we live our lives, and how different we are. My spouse works hard on her farm to make it beautiful. She commented the other day on how she likes to visit her farm because it is a place she would like to be, a place she would like to create for herself in the real world. In real life my spouse is the kind of person who enjoys the journey. I am much more focused on "the destination". My farm is sparse and serves only a FUNCTIONAL purpose. I want to "move forward". I want to maximize my potential. I want to make the most and progress the fastest so that when I am "finished" attaining all the levels that are possible I can make my farm into a place I want to "be".

I don't like it necessarily, but I like working on it. I like calculating which crops to plant and where, how often to harvest, plant and plow. I have had a lot of fun in the last few days comparing farms and wondering if I change the way I farm if it will change the way I live.
I thought about my spouses friend and how fun it would be to analyze drawings. If I can extrapolate this much from a video game how much could I get from something handmade?

This morning on the way to work and daycare my son dropped something on the floor of the van. It was something that he didn't "need" but which would have made his journey into town more enjoyable. When I stopped at the top of the road I put the car in park, I got out, I retrieved his item before proceeding. As I got back in to the drivers seat I gave myself a little pat on the back for taking a moment away from my focus on destination to improve the journey.
It was a teeny thing - and admittedly I waited until I got to the stop sign before getting out - but it made me smile and it made him happy. I think I'll go "plant a tree" on my farmville farm... then again, that might be a little too drastic for me.

Grocery Carts

I think Grocery stores should invest more money on keeping their carts in working order.

There is nothing more frustrating than trying to manhandle a grocery cart - especially when it is full of food.

We have these things at the grocery stores where you have to put in a quarter or a loonie in order to get your cart, and then put it back to get your money back. I know the stores do it so that carts aren't left all over the place - or taken away, but it is seriously a pain when you have to dig through the wallet to get change (not all stores use the same denomination so sometimes you get to the line of carts with a loonie and what you really needed was a quarter..) then once you get your cart it is a piece of trash.

I know the stores don't make money from grocery carts and it is a service provided for convenience. I just think if you are going to provide something that is supposed to be convenient then please MAKE it convenient! Trying to push a cart through the store with a child in it, and then full of groceries should only have to take ONE person to steer, not one person pushing and one person pulling and having to request total strangers help in turning down the aisle because you can't get the sucker to turn... and don't get me started on stores with aisles that don't fit one cart, let alone a cart going in each direction!

Loud living room

I don't care what you say, orange is NOT a Christmas color!

When we moved from the states over six years ago we brought with us some Christmas lights which we got on an after Christmas sale at a GREAT price. They have lasted us a number of years now and I am certain they would have lasted longer except for the fact that my son is ADDICTED to lights and anything electric. Last year he was so obsessed with the lights on the tree that we took the tree down early just because we could not keep him away and it was no longer fun for either him OR us.
As a result of his "light obsession" he somehow found the lights where they were stored on the Quonset over the summer, and destroyed them dragging them around the yard. At the time I figured it was no big deal. The string cost us all of a few dollars and we had many good years of use out of them. Christmas lights seem to be a dime a dozen and I have always seen them on sale virtually EVERYWHERE when the Christmas stuff comes out in the stores. I just figured we would get a new string when it was closer to decorate the tree this year.
Well....unfortunately I have run in to somewhat of a dilemma. Somehow the colors that are "fashionable" for Christmas trees have changed in the last six years. I LOVED the multi colored strings of lights we had for our tree and I searched EVERYWHERE and could not find anything remotely similar. I could get strings of individual colors - but I don't like those for our tree. We like multi colored lights for our tree and that is what I searched for. I have now even searched through every after Christmas sale I can find and I CANNOT for the life of me find what it is that I am looking for. EVERY string of lights is this horrible, fluorescent, orange tinged, nasty, atrocity. ORANGE IS NOT A CHRISTMAS COLOR! When did it come into style? What happened to good old fashioned white, yellow, red, green , blue, I don't even mind pink or purple in the mix. I just want to know who it is that decides when something is no longer in style and when everything has to be changed. What if I still had my old string of lights and just needed to change a bulb? It would have been impossible this year to find something compatible with what I already had. As I packed away the Christmas tree tonight I pondered even keeping the lights because I loathed them so much. But who knows what my options will be next year?

starting out the new year with clean hair...

2010.. Wow.


I can't say I am sad at all to see the end of 2009. What a rough year that was.

I started out the new year with a shower - this is significant because we have had a house FULL of people for a week and with only one bathroom in the house I don't feel as though I saw much of it.

We had a wonderful break with my brother and his family joining us from out of town. It was awesome to have the week off from work and I don't think there is anything better than spending the holidays with family - especially LITTLE kids at Christmas.

If I had to sum it up in one word I would say 'LOUD'! We had five kids in the house - all under the age of four, and then we added a two year old and a six year old for two days. We ate a LOT of food - do you know how many loaves of bread it takes to make 13 people sandwiches for lunch?!

I got an awesome little video camera at Christmas and I need to upload some more videos so you can get a better idea of what the whole fiasco was like. I wouldn't trade it for the world (my family and the noise, not the video camera!) - I just wish more of the kids slept at the same time and for longer periods of time. My nephew fell asleep at the dinner table one night which was very cute, but I needed to eat more than I needed to sleep. Of course when it was time for bed he had just woken up from a nice little nap and he was rearing to go again.

But now they are all gone. I have had a shower and something to eat without sharing it seven different ways. It sure feels good to be clean, but I am sad and missing my loved ones.

Nekkid baby rocking

Is it just me?

I am a pessimist. I have acknowledged this about myself a LONG time ago. Sometimes - like today - I think that being a pessimist is a drag. It's my last day of work before the holidays. I am excited. I am THRILLED. Then I get one phone call and it sets me over the edge and spiralling into negativity. I have absolutely no control over the issue raised in the phone call. There is nothing I can do about it now. I WILL have an opportunity to voice my concerns and share my opinion on the subject in January. I just don't know how to "let it go".
Partially I am mad that the person who called would not keep the information to themselves until January - knowing there is nothing to be done.
I REALLY need to learn the skill of letting go.....

Still sick....

I thought it was over and we were all better. Then last night at 1:30 am, our littlest called out "Ma, Ma...... MA!" I went in and picked him up and asked him what was wrong. As I turned he puked EVERYWHERE. Poor little muffin. He is SO good natured and barely complains about anything, ever.
So into the shower we both went (I was covered from neck to ankle). My awesome spouse got up and cleaned up the floor while we were showering and we all went back to bed. He didn't puke again last night but I just called home and he is feeling miserable and back down for a nap. I HOPE it is because he is teething - I felt a molar last night which just came through - and not because we are headed for round two of illness in our house.
Tomorrow is my last day of work before the holidays and I am THRILLED to be getting some time off. I just don't want to spend it doing laundry and cleaning up after sick babies.
I don't care what anyone says, there is nothing about becoming a mother that makes it easier to clean up vomit. I don't care WHO it belongs to - I don't want to have anything to do with it!!

The "REAL" meaning of Christmas

It seems like every year at this time emails and letters start to circulate which talk about the"REAL" meaning of Christmas and how "Christ" is being taken out of Christmas. Last night I was going through an email box I don't look through often and found one of these letters addressed to me and my family.
I absolutely believe that everyone is entitled to their own opinion, and obviously, the person who sent this email feels quite strongly that "Christmas" is being "lost" to commercialism, political correctness, et cetera, et cetera.
It got me thinking. There are many ways in which I could respond (and I had to fight my desire to respond because I REALLY REALLY wanted to!) The more I thought about it, the more I realized that people will find whatever it is they are looking for. If I spend my time looking for the ways in which people have "altered" the true meaning of Christmas then I will find evidence to support my belief.
Instead, what I see, is not the deterioration of Christmas, but the spirit of love and of giving and of hope ALL around me. My nephew gathered all the coins he saved in his piggy bank to make a donation to animals in need. My mom coordinates the efforts of her siblings to put together Christmas hampers for needy people in her community. All around there are groups raising money to donate to some cause or another. Buying goats for communities in Africa. Wrapping presents for children in foster care. In my own small community businesses have been raising funds for a family with medical needs and all KINDS of organizations and individuals have been working towards raising money for a playground at the elementary school. My little boy goes to a head start program and his class participated in the food bingo, donating food to the local food bank. Now I will admit, the concept of a bingo card is not one he understands, but his mom had a BALL going through every cupboard in the house to gather as many items from the list as we could find to send with him (in a large box) to school the very next day. Does he completely "get it?" Probably not. He had as much fun going through the cupboard of cans and making additions to the box of donations sitting on the kitchen table.
It has been a thrill to take him into stores and see his enthusiasm for the lights, the music and the joy of choosing something to give to someone else - even if it is his own little brother or his dog, and even if it is something they probably won't even enjoy (I don't think the dog likes extension cords much). It is still HIM choosing something FOR someone else. I am absolutely LOVING how excited he is. I wish everyone could hear him singing the song he is learning for the Christmas Concert at his school tomorrow. He can't even say the words but he knows the tune and when there's a word he knows how to say he says it with all the enthusiasm his little body can muster.
There are opportunities for lessons about giving and sharing EVERYWHERE - if I look for them.
So I could spend my time writing about how UNChristmassy this season it, but instead I will focus on something different. I believe STRONGLY that what you look for you will find. So I wish for everyone that they will find a most excellent season filled with love and family and all the joy this time of year can bring.

Why we make a good couple...part 1

My spouse and I have been together a long time - I mean to say - we were together even before ELLEN came out!

We are very different as individuals and still we come together and complement one another well. Tonight is one example of that. Let me explain.....

I came home tonight and found Shel cleaning up vomit. Max had somehow consumed milk (when and where he got into it is still under investigation). He is allergic to milk and it made him more than a little ill. So I arrive with puking under way.

While Shel was cleaning up body fluid I picked up our very upset boy and held him on my lap. As I was holding him I felt his stomach gurgle and knew we were about to experience another bout of barking at the ants. I didn't have time to get to the bathroom so I held him, leaned forward and let him spew onto the floor. We avoided the furniture, the carpets, the clothing and managed to aim as well as could be expected. I was totally impressed with the finesse with which we managed the situation.

My spouse followed behind us to clean up the mess we had made. As she was cleaning up she said" Wow, Stomach acid really cleans the floor better than I have been able to scrub it!"
Her glass is always half full, and mine half empty. We make a great pair. I will hold puking kids as long as I never have to clean up after them, and she would prefer not to hold them and "aim!" And through al the realy gross moments that neither one of us would choose to endure, we share the moments and she brings a smile to my face. (Stomach acid really did a nice job of cleaning the floor!)

Christmas shopping with a limited vocabulary

Max is old enough this year that we have decided he can participate in Christmas shopping as we pick up presents for one another and the pets.

Last year Christmas was COMPLETELY overwhelming and the poor kid was a wreck, but this year he is right into the spirit of things and excited about everything. Whenever we get into the van we have to listen to his Christmas music and snap our fingers. He snaps right along and reminds us if we happen to stop snapping for some reason. (Driving is not an excuse for not snapping by the way). We went for Christmas photos and he even sat on Santa's lap without crying!

Shopping on the other hand is something we need to work on still.

To say he is obsessed with extension cords and electricity is an understatement. There are a few stores in town we frequent and he can give you a grand tour of every aisle that has items needing plugs, where the cords run and where the outlets are.

Although his vocabulary is growing he still does not have a lot of words so you can't really ask him what he would like to get for his brother or we would end up wrapping an "onion" or a "hallway". That leaves pointing (which he does well).

Going down the aisle we ask, "Max, Would CJ like this?" His response to EVERY question is "No". Trying a different tack we ask, "Max, what would CJ like?" He responds to THIS question by escorting us to the aisle with extension cords. EVERYONE wants an extension cord according to Max. His moms, his brother, his dog, his cousins, and PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE Santa, don't forget an extension cord for him. He has a blue one already (if you needed help choosing a color).

sitting in court

Last week I had the wonderful experience of spending the day in court. I was called to testify and told I needed to be at the courthouse at 9am. I was there. The way the court works here is that everyone called to appear for the day enters the room at the same time and they go through each case. No-one ever leaves the room to call into the lobby and see if you are present. If you aren't in the room then you miss out - and pay the consequences.
I was a "little" freaked out that there is no-one at all at the entrance checking people as they enter. No wand, no metal detector, nothing. At one point a gentleman began to yell at the judge and the sheriffs jumped to their feet and ran towards him. The judge told him to leave and he did - but not before I had scoped out which exit I would take if things got nasty (and which people I could beat to the door!)
About 50 people were in the room at the beginning of the day. It started out with closed Circuit television showing people in the remand center as they came up on the docket. Then we went through the docket for the day. I was trying to pay attention and see if there was any rhyme or reason - alphabetical, age, reverse alphabetical - but I couldn't see anything that explained how cases were being called. It didn't even appear to be going by the date of the incident. I was there for an incident that happened on October 7th, but there were incidences that happened more recently than mine which were called before mine.
I had a LOT of time to sit and try to figure out the system of names being called because I was the ABSOLUTE LAST case to be called for the day.
Those court benches are insanely uncomfortable. In the provincial building where the courtroom is located there are no vending machines.
Granted - there were some interesting things, but nothing so interesting that I was thrilled to be there or that made the time pass more quickly.
So I went. I waited all day. I testified. I was cross examined (which was the most interesting part of my day).
Then yesterday I received a message on my phone from the RCMP to let me know what had happened in court. Apparently there was some breakdown in communication because as the officer was reading to the message machine what had happened in court he says "I see here that you were subpoenaed. I don't know why that happened, it was not necessary, and I hope you didn't miss work to sit in court for that."
If I had the energy to muster frustration I would have. While it was not the most painful day I have ever spend, it was by FAR anything I would have selected to participate in. I didn't know I had a choice once I was subpoenaed to not show up?
Interesting.

12 of 12

12 of 12 is hosted each month by Chad Darnell. You can check out his cool site and others who participate by linking HERE.

Here is my contribution for this month:


#1. When we woke up this morning the temperature was a BALMY -38 degrees C. That translates into a day spent indoors and finding ways of amusing ourselves. These days can be LONG ones.


#2. What better to do than combine two of our favorite things - moms and extension cords! Mom is such a good sport!


#3. Time to make supper. We busted out the recipe book and started to make Chili Con Carne. Unfortunately half way through we realized we didn't have all the ingredients. Oh well. What little boys don't know won't hurt them, so we served it "as is" and pretended all was well!


#4. From extension cords to mixing bowls. This is a day full of excitement! Little boys "helped" cooking supper.


#5. Finger lickin good!

#6. And some even managed to get inside of him!

#7. Time for some television viewing. Only one of our boys is interested in tv - can you guess which one?

#8. Sitting in one spot got boring so we "rocked" around the living room and laughed.

#9. Not everyone in the house was enthusiastic about the day indoors. Poor Zuva was bored out of her mind and tried to sleep the day away.

#10. The Christmas tree was too tempting to pass up.

#11. Will this day EVER end?

#12. Everyone is in bed. The puppy won't go to the bathroom without an escort - she is worried she will freeze to the ground and we wont notice she is gone. Time for a last check to make sure the vehicle is plugged and and it's off to bed!