It's been 11 days....

The kids went home 11 days ago. I miss them SO much it is insane. It is such a strange thing to miss someone who is living, but who you have no access to. It's not like anything I have ever experienced before. We have been foster parents before and we have had MANY kids come and go from our home. Some we have kept in touch with, some are in the community and we see them from time to time, others we have no contact with but we didn't have for as long as these babies - and we weren't so bonded to them. It is a strange, strange thing and I have no words for it. I feel bereft.

It's not like I have a ton of time to sit around and mope. I am extremely busy with work and the boys are very, VERY busy - as usual. I am trying to be grateful for the blessings I have. I am focussing on gratitude and positivity in my life but still I get these "niggles" throughout the day of sadness for the babies being gone.

I am trying to think of this as a time to strengthen the relationship and focus on the "bigs" as we came to call them. We measured Maxies foot yesterday and it is the same size as Shel's. Our seven year old  has feet the size of his mama. Yesterday we played with him and CJ on the bed and giggled and laughed and had fun with "JUST" them like we haven't for a long time. I need desperately to reconnect with Maxie in particular and so I am trying to allowm yself to feel the gratitude for that opportunity right now.

It is hard to "let go". It's not something I have mastered and it is darn painful. At the end of the day I have to just "go through it" I guess and allow myself to feel the sadness and the loss and appreciate the LOVE that my little's brought into my life. They brought me so much joy and blessed my life immeasurably. I hope they know now and will ALWAYS know - Goo loves them.

If I had a flower for every time I think of you, I could walk forever in my garden.



 I love you my baby, You brought a smile to my face EVERY single day that I knew you. I will try to keep that smile :)