Day Four of Mom's trip, a tough one

We had a tough day today - but really it was all me and not anything to do with the boys.
I am still struggling with knowing how to deal with some things in my life and last night was a particularly difficult one for me. I could not stop my brain from tossing things around. I spoke on the phone with my brothers for a while and that was good, but didn't really stop my brain. Because the ol noggin was working overtime I was not able to sleep at ALL.
Then Max fell out of his big boy bed (for the first time) but I felt bad and so I brought him into my bed which was a poor decision. The kid is a violent sleeper. He tosses and turns and kicks and moves and rolls, so when I was finally able to relax, the rest I got was not very restful.
Then today Cael was weepy. He just wanted to be held, but didn't want to be held. He stood behind me and when I turned and bumped into him he cried. He didn't want to eat out of the bowl he had, he wanted it out of the bowl I had - but he didn't want to share with me, he just wanted what was IN my bowl out into HIS bowl. He dropped his bottle and he wanted it washed. He fell over and he wanted his hands washed, but the water was too hot so he didn't want his hands washed but he didn't want to leave the bathroom, then he cried because I left him alone in the bathroom.
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I was sleep deprived so I was grumpy myself.
At one moment the boys were chill and I had a second to call Shel but as soon as she picked up the phone the boys started screaming at one another so I couldn't hear. She was trying to be sympathetic and said she would let me go to deal with the boys, but I didn't WANT to deal with them, I wanted to talk to her (as I am typing this I am realizing I sound a bit like Cael myself)! and the conversation ended abruptly and we didn't get to talk.
I can't believe it is only day four - it feels like it should be day 44....
Hopefully tonight I will get some better sleep, but I have decided I am not sharing the bed with the children or the dog!
I thought tonight how when Shel and I are home together with the boys really neither one of us get any more rest, but just the fact that we are there doing it together makes it feel different somehow. I miss her.