Thursday Thirteen: gratitude

I don't put a lot of credence into the results of quizzes I take on facebook, but I took one tonight that said my stress level is 97%. I think it is fairly accurate given the things happening in my life right now. In a conversation with my mom I said I wish I had learned the skill of "letting go" because I certainly need to let go of some things in my life to reduce some of the stress I am feeling right now. In an effort to try and focus my energy on something other than the things in my life wearing me down right now I have decided to write a list of the things I am grateful for. Here goes.

1. My Job. Funny I should put that one first as it is the origin of some of the stressful things in my life, but in this economy I am grateful to have a job. People in my immediate family and people I know have all suffered job loss or cutbacks of some kind, so I don't need reminding that it is good to be working right now.

2. My Office. So this is really a "part" of my job, but two years ago I was moved from my office into a storage room. It was cosy, and I did what I could to make it someplace I was comfortable to work in, but situations have arisen in the workplace that have enabled me to return to my original office - which has a window - and so I no longer need pink grow lights for my plants. We are all very happy about it. (me and my plants)

3. My Spouse. You would think after being with someone for 13 years that you would have everything "down pat" in your relationship. My relationship with my spouse has endured some rocky times - illness, sleep deprivation, moving countries... the list goes on and on. I am grateful to her for the role she plays in my life. I am hoping that things in our lives will begin to settle down as we see the journey to adoption coming to fruition, my masters classes coming to a close, and settling into our new home. Hopefully we will have many more years to come and we will grow ever closer. LLL

4. My Home. It sure is nice at the end of the day to return HOME. This is something I have sought all my life after moving from continent to continent and then having our sexuality dictate that we couldn't live in the place we originally chose for ourselves.

5. My oldest son. My spouse and I have always wanted children. When we picked up our oldest from the hospital we dove head first into a world we had little clue about and less preparation for. Dealing with health issues that have persisted even until today has made life much more complicated than we planned. My boy has started to call me "mama" and today when I went to pick him up he called out to me across the room. It made my heart swell. I love him SOOOO much.

6. My youngest son. My youngest boy does nothing in this world but bring me great joy. He sleeps almost through the night but gets up early for a bottle and a snuggle. We bring him into bed with us early in the morning and he lays and drinks and smiles at us as only he can. His three tooth smile and his little wave make me happier than anything I know.

7. A vehicle under warranty. We seem to have been plagued this year with vehicle problems. We don't live in a place where it is possible to walk to work , or ride a bike to work and we rely heavily on our vehicles for everything. I had to take the van in AGAIN this week for more problems and when I went to pick it up and the service technician said everything was under warranty I about cried tears of joy right in front of her.

8. My friends. Friends send chewy spree in the mail. Friends make funny comments on facebook. Friends don't let friends drive drunk. (That's a joke people - I don't drink)

9. My mom. I know I am corny. I love my mom. What can I say?

10. My Health. Trying to find things my son can eat - and will eat - is very difficult. I sat down to dinner last night and loved my broccoli, loved my steak, loved my mashed potatoes and was aware how much gluten and dairy was all around me. Then I had ice-cream and thought of my friends Diabetic son. There's a LOT of energy going into our kids to make them healthy and happy, and I am grateful that I can eat pretty much what I want without needing to bust out a calculator or stick a needle into myself, or eat some of the gag-o-rific things my son eats.

11. SUNSHINE. I am grateful for sunshine because we haven't had any lately. I am hoping if I am REALLY grateful that we will get some and then I will be grateful AND happy.

12. Opportunities. I feel as though I make a LOT of mistakes. Especially in the last few weeks I feel as though I have missed opportunities to say things I should have said, or do things I should have done. I am trying to reframe these experiences by saying here that I am grateful I still have the opportunity to go and make some of these things different. I still have the opportunity to say what I want to say - even if it is a little late - and I am grateful for the opportunity to keep trying and to do these things differently in the future.

13. My poster of Neve Campbell. How could I not be grateful to sit and look at Neve when the stress gets too much?